The world's first page devoted to:

This list will continue to grow as more Words are added.

• The Big Print Giveth and the Fine Print Taketh Away.

• I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

• People who use Viagra are not sex freaks and perverts. They're fine upstanding citizens.

• I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't

• A day without sunshine is like ... night

• I used to think that in order to be a good person you had to tell the truth and be kind and merciful......but all you have to do is carry around a copy of the bible and lie.

• Christ really was a fisherman. I mean, lot's of people bought it hook line and sinker.

• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around..it was probably a beaver.

• As their numbers dwindled from eighty to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect Hungry.

• 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

• Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

• Place not your faith in higher powers, for they are just as messed up as the rest of us. Let us pray.

• As private parts to the gods are we... they play with us for their sport.

• I love kids but I couldn't eat a whole one.

• Eagles may soar, but wolverines don't get sucked into jet engines.

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

• Time flies like an arrow ; fruit flies like a banana.

• It's better to have loved and lost, than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton-John.

• Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

• American beer is a lot like making love in a canoe. It's fucking close to water.

• The meek shall inherit what they're bloody well given. And be thankful for it.

• If you open your mind too wide your brain will fall out.

• Ocean: (n) Body of water covering two thirds of a world created solely for man, who has no gills.

• Foreshadowing: (n) Makeup applied to a gentile male pornstar before an action sequence.

• Blasphemy is a victimless crime.

• Only users lose drugs.

• Murderers are just extravert suicidals.

• For ten years Caesar ruled Rome with an iron hand... then, with a wooden foot... and finally with a piece of string.

• When you choke a smurf what colour does it turn?

• There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.

• To a Real Woman, every ejaculation is premature.

• He who seeks to find himself shall be called Waldo.

• Gravity is an unforgiving motherfucker.

• Fair? Why is it that when a woman wears a man's clothes she is called assertive, bold or sexy, but when a man wears a woman's clothes, he is called a transvestite? (Just idle curiosity, of course.)

• Life is like a box of chocolates: Artificial flavours and colours.

• Nothing is better than sex. Masturbation is better than nothing. Therefore masturbation is better than sex.

• The big problem with cocaine is that you think everyone wants your dick but YOU CAN'T FIND IT!

• There is a fine line between deep thought and being catatonic.

• The meek shall inherit the Earth, and the strong shall take it away from them.

• He who findeth sensuous pleasures in the bodies of lush, hot, pink damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.

• God is big, so don't fuck with him.

• Don't athropomorphise computers.. they hate that.

• God created man in his own image. Low self esteem or what?

• The word "spine" is, of course, an anagram of "penis". This is true in almost fifty percent of the languages of the Galaxy, and many people have attempted to explain why. Usually these explanations get bogged down in silly puns about "standing erect".

• Space is big.

• I own my own body.. but I share.

• Sex is like a bridge game: If you have a good hand, no partner is necessary.

• There's nothing better than good sex... but bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.

• Chaste Makes Waste.

• Never try to arcweld your sister.

• When you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u and mption.

• Hackers do it with all sorts of characters.

• Statisticians probably do it.

• Fornication, n.: Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.

• Cunnilingus is next to godliness.

• Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?

• "God is as real as I am," the old man said. My faith was restored, for I knew that Santa would never lie.

• Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

• Haggis, n.: Haggis is a kind of stuffed black pudding eaten by the Scots and considered by them to be not only a delicacy but fit for human consumption. The minced heart, liver and lungs of a sheep, calf or other animal's inner organs are mixed with oatmeal, sealed and boiled in maw in the sheep's intestinal stomach-bag and ... Excuse me a minute ...

• Missionary Position: The missionary on top.

• Incest, n.: Sibling revelry.

• ... The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.

• Thou shalt not omit adultery.

• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

• If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments.

• The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been putting his bird in the *WRONG* bushes.

• Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.

• LET Jesus be YOUR anchor! So when Satan rocks your boat, THROW Jesus overboard!

• When God created man, She was only testing.

• Women who want to be equal to men lack imagination.

• You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside.

• The voters have spoken, the bastards ...

• If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles.

• Condoms are like listening to a symphony with cotton in your ears.

• In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point.

• Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.

• Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

• A.I. hackers do it with robots.

• Working computer hardware is a lot like an erect penis: it stays up as long as you don't fuck with it.

• Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.

• It is a sad commentary on today's society that this sentence has to be classified as "offensive" simply because it contains the word "fuck".

• Jesus died for your sins. Make it worth his time.

• Subpoena, n.: From the root "sub", below, and the Latin "poena" for male organ or penis. Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls."

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