thanks for choosing god.

speaking of scams...
Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

20 October 2006 : 15.34
Huzzah, thank goodness for the good soldiers of the US, hey? Brave boys, fighting to bring peace and freedom to the middle east.
And what a great job they're doing. Just ask any Iraqi citizen how happy they are to have the americans there. The parents of Abeer Qassim al-Janabi, for example, have a lot to say about the brave US soldiers who are doing so much for their country. If it weren't for the courageous US military, their fourteen year old daughter wouldn't have been raped and murdered. Afterwards, her corpse was set on fire by four brave members of the 101st Airborne Division, doing their part in america's war on terror.
Remember america, support the troops.

There was a conversation at work the other day about Transformers, and how some of them used to change size when they transformed. Soundwave, for example, changed from a robot big enough to pick up a human to a tape deck small enough to fit on your belt, while Omega Supreme transformed from a robot ten times the size of Soundwave into a nineteenth century pocket watch, and Metroplex transformed from a robot the size of a city into a single white blood cell. That always annoyed me when I was young. The law of conservation of mass was still applicable in 1983, after all. I know that the 80s were all about the punk movement, and breaking the rules, and anarchy, and things like that, but this is going a touch too far, don't you think?

image, cleverly broken for relevance.
15 October 2006 : 17.31
Lynda, Carly, Krysty, Cindy, Wendy... is it just me who finds it ironic that so many female names have a Y in them?

Speaking of females, a female friend told me that she thinks that calling out my name during sex is kind of weird. Typical. It's just another example of the double standard that exists between the genders today. Sure, it's ok when she does it...

I received a message from someone whose sig. contains the quote:
"Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so." Belva Davis

Does that include the one where you're all alone, you're rolling a giant doughnut, and there's a snake wearing a vest... what a load of utter bollocks.

So I've discovered that there are a lot of broken images on here. I should really go through and clean them up. You know, when I have a few hours to spare.
10 October 2006 : 13.24
Tonight, on a very special

"Dick, I have to tell you something. There's something you need to know. I'm pregnant."

09 October 2006 : 19.28
I was talking about american television the other day. When talking about american television, it would be remiss of me to fail to mention Leave It To Beaver, as this is one of the icons of american televisual entertainment.
god only knows why. It's mindless drivel propagating a fictional nuclear family which, even at the time, was merely a publicly accepted facade for repression, suppression, and the post-war corporate culture that was developing.
You know what would have fixed it? Guest stars. That's what. If they'd had a different guest beaver every week, it would have been a great show.

... and Sean Connery as the beaver.
"You expect me to talk?"
"No mister beaver, I expect you to die."

Who wouldn't have loved a show like that? I certainly would. Ah well, missed opportunities, wasted potential, and all of that.

Speaking of television, though, I must take a moment to mention Heroes. Again. It is good. It's typical superhero formula stuff, because really there's precious little that you can actually do with superheroes, but it's quite well written, and worth watching.
06 October 2006 : 08.19
I've said before that language is a funny thing, and it's true. It must be true, because I said it. Anyway, As an example, I give you the gettysburg address.
As translated from English to Japanese, and then back to English via the magic of Babelfish.

Before the thing 87 year which is the same where human everyone was drawn up this continent, it has with new nation, it is free and our fathers who are imagined, and are lifted up to proposition. Now as for us, the nation or nation therefore how it tests you engage in the large civil war where it is imagined, so being lifted up, it is possible to withstand long. We meet at the battlefield where the war is large. As for us lifting up the part of the field, as a final rest place for those which give their lives perhaps here that the nation which lives it came. We to should do this, it is appropriate and appropriate altogether. But, in a larger feeling, as for us -- -- where this land cannot be converted holy as for us -- where consecrate it is not possible it is not possible to lift up us. The brave person who fought here, life and it died it adds or, or that with respect to the power where we who fall are bad, directly consecrated. As for worldwide will we say a little note, long here, but you remember that never it cannot forget the thing here. It is because it is lifted up here in the incomplete work where that for us life, on the other hand, fought here and advanced so far so nobly. As for that for us who should you lift up to the splendid work where from the deceased which can give these reputations here us it remained before us whom it keeps accompanying in the self-sacrifice which is raised in the cause of that those giving the last eye full self-sacrifice these deceased in this nation, under God, from the earth which is the origin whose freedom is new, but with the government of the people for the people, do not die with the people, and, -- being wasteful on the other hand -- where is we solve the fact that it does not die very here.

29 September 2006 : 16.01
Hm. In Africa, the polio vaccine that is being distributed by WHO workers is being regarded as "devil's work," and the people are accusing the workers of using it to sterilise the populace. They refuse to be educated, and prefer to believe in superstition and conspiracy.
If you've been reading this site for any length of time, you probably have a clue as to what my response to this will be. Let them.
Being ignorant is not your fault, but staying ignorant is. If you're going to be a moron, that's your call. Your children might get polio. But at least you'll be secure in the knowledge that they'll be able to have children. That they can't afford to feed. Right? Right?
And when the biblethumper missionaries come to your town, which they will, and start going on about god, be sure to ask them why he, in his mercy, created the polio virus that has paralysed your child. The one that could have been prevented by the vaccine that you refused.

Realistically, no one can force these people to submit to vaccination, but no one should have to. There's a disease. It can paralyse your child. These people have a preventative which will likely protect your child. It's a pretty simple equation. Particularly when your big worry is that they're trying to sterilise your offspring, and you're over-populated already. Come on people, wake the hell up.
If I were the WHO people, I'd just arrive in the town, set up a clinic, and wait for the people to come to me. And if they didn't, then they'd get what they get for being fucking stupid. End of story.
Oh, and don't send me hatemail saying "oooh, that's racist." It's not racist, it's intellectualist. I'm biased against stupid people, regardless of race or culture.
Sure, and you're not, right?

Speaking of stupid, I get that the native population of Colorado wants to protect their sacred mountain, but saying that the building of a golf course caused the world trade centre attacks, and hurricane Katrina.. that's moronic, and severely weakens their case.
Also, in stupid news, welcome to the southern US. north carolina has, until recently, had a law stating that "If any man and woman, not being married to each other, shall lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed and cohabit together, they shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor." This law was established in 1805, and only just struck down this month. Woo! Let's hear it for moron lawmakers who insist upon inflicting their own morality upon the people. You know, if a law is two hundred years old, it should probably be reviewed. Particularly if it relates to the legislation of morality.
At least it's been struck down. Sort of.
27 September 2006 : 19.22
Speaking of visual entertainment, I just saw Heroes. It's actually quite good. Blatantly formula super hero comic book format, of course, but how much can you do with superhero characters? Characters develop superhuman abilities, and some of them are happy about it, while others think that they're freaks, or evil, or something. Yes, Heroes is X-Men. Still, having said that, it's really quite well done. Much better than X-Men, come to that.
Oh, I finally saw X-Men III. You know, time is a rare and valuable thing, and once you spend it, you can never have it back. X-Men III really makes you aware of that. Not because it's deep or profound. Just because it's time that would be better spent on flossing, or arson, or hitting on that cute new girl at work ("You have beautiful eyes..."). It's a movie which fails magnificently in so many ways that it can only be called a triumphant disaster. Or, it's such a total disaster that it can only be called a triumphant failure.
Those two sentences are contradictory, but I'm going ahead with it, and not looking back.
X-Men III has some truly dreadful scenes, and yet they do give us new insight into the characters. For example, during one of the many standing-around-and-making-speeches scenes, Wolverine says "Ex-men. [looks at Storm] All of us."
So now I see Halle Berry in a whole new light. No wonder she's so eager to show off her bits. She's probably paid a fortune for them.

So anyway, Heroes. It does a great job with the subject matter. Hiro is adorable, and Mohinder is just cool. Just about every time I expected it to spiral off into one of the typical directions that such things always take, it surprised me by taking a different route. So here's hoping that the show will have a nice long run. There's precious little that's actually entertaining on television these days.
Having said that, we're almost in October, and Torchwood is just around the corner.

Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
26 September 2006 : 13.12
Ah, the art of the chat-up line. Most people don't realise that it's a spectator sport. There are few things as amusing as hanging about in a club with a friend, and watching her shoot down guys left and right as they hit her with their best stuff.
Of course, the secret of the chat-up line is to not get flustered and get the words wrong. You don't want to say something like "You have beautiful eyes. They'd look even better on my bedroom floor."
That might not go over too well.
Just like if a lovely young lady says to you "let's dance!" you shouldn't assume that she wants a fight, and go for the first strike.
These are things I've learnt.

I have also learnt that in Vancouver, there is a small video store called Independent Flixx, which specialises in cult and B movies. To give you an idea, the picture in the very centre of their business card is a screen capture from Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. How could that not inspire you with confidence?

BSD Daemon
24 September 2006 : 09.18
I talk often of the stupid things that biblethumpers, particularly xtians, do and say, especially when it comes to their ludicrous sense of elitism. Along those lines, I give you ichthux, which is "christian linux."

No, seriously. They've made their own distribution of Linux.
I mean, what the hell? How pathetic is that? What can choice of OS and religion possibly have to do with each other?* Other than being a desperate attempt to give the biblehumpers a sense of distinction from the rest of the world? Stop and think, godbotherers. Why do you need a particular OS? You don't. You just want to feel special.
And you are. In a short bus, bicycle helmet sort of way.

It's amazing. Just when you think that they've become as ridiculous as they can possibly be, they go and surprise you. Again.

* I mean, aside from in the case of UNIX users.

23 September 2006 : 13.26
Best. Movie synopsis. Ever.

Also in entertainment news, the american television industry is still out of ideas. Fresh from their rip-off of The Office, and in the tradition of Three's Company, Too Close for Comfort, Sanford And Son, All in the Family, and even Cosby, as well as a a whole lot of others, the yankees are now remaking Life On Mars. That's really not right. There is absolutely no way that they can do it justice. No way. If you've seen Life On Mars, you know what I mean. Since it's set in the 70s, they'll probably make it into a Wacky Zany Comedy or something, and lose all of the depth and complexity that makes it so freaking good. Come on america, do something original for once. Even just in the world of television.
Or, here's a radical thought, why not just show the programmes in their original forms? Or is it too scary for the american audiences that there might be people outside america? People who make things like television, and movies? Which might, just might* be better than the vast majority of american television?

And speaking of stupid american entertainment, it's nice to know that georgie is so together when it comes to the major cities of his country. Up to an including the capital. That's why he welcomed president Mahmoud Abbas to Washington DC, while they were standing in the Waldorf Astoria in New York.
It's amazing that they let him out of his box to talk to anyone who isn't specially trained to handle him.

* read "will"
16 September 2006 : 18.31
I was rummaging through the Greyhaven site, looking at all of the little people who need adopting, and I found Coco.

Isn't he the most adorable bird in the world? He's a Goffins Cockatoo, which means that he should look like this:

However, Coco's a plucker, which means that he looks a bit like a chicken. I think he's absolutely beautiful, though. Look at that cheeky face! How could you not love someone like that?

Unfortunately, I'm not around enough to adopt a bird. Particularly not someone who needs a lot of attention and extra care, and I'm definitely not going to be one of those bastards who buys a bird at a pet shop and then, when the novelty wears off, leaves him or her to sit in the corner, alone, unloved, and ignored.
People who do that should have their legs filed off.
It's not right that just anyone can have a pet, whether he or she is a cockatoo, or a puppy, or a fish. But as long as joe customer can come up with the money, it's perfectly ok to sell someone, a living being, just because they happen not to be human.. that horrifies me. Think about it. What would happen if you tried to start up the slave trade again? So why is that any different, just because of the species of the animal being sold? Why is it ok to sell every other species? You shouldn't be able to put a price on a life, just because that life happens not to be human. You shouldn't be able to buy a little budgie, a little life who needs love and attention and stimulation, for less than the price of a small pizza, or a tank of gasoline. Imagine selling totally dependent human babies to any stranger off the street, just because he could scrape together ten or fifteen dollars. It's obscene. There's no background check, no restriction, not even a license. In fact, it's harder to buy a water cooler than it is to buy a budgie. How can that be right? How can it be ok to sell someone who has the capacity to suffer to someone who may not care? And all animals have the capacity to suffer, from mammals to fish. Yes, fish can feel pain, and distress. It's no wonder that the shelters are filled with people like Coco. I don't know whether he plucks because he's been ignored or abused, but many birds have. Too many birds have. Animals are people, and it shouldn't be possible to buy them, as though they are toys. But I don't expect that it will change. They're not human, and so humanity doesn't care.

There was a case a few weeks ago where humans on a turkey farm had been using live birds to play baseball. How fucking sick is that? And you know what their punishment was? Two hundred hours of community service.
What the hell? Two hundred hours of community service for attrocities of that nature? The sick motherfuckers should have been stabbed in the face, for starters, and then gone to jail to be rectally violated for the next ten to twenty years. Once again, imagine if the victims had been human. Two hundred hours of community service? Fuck off.
Retribution for harming animal life should be the same as that for harming human life. The fact that it isn't is evidence of the far lower value that humanity places on other species. You might say that it's natural for humanity to decide that its own species is more important than any other, but who the hell is humanity to make that decision? Just a bunch of apes who got above themselves, and now they think that they have the right to decide who lives and who dies. Is the concept of respecting all life so difficult?

16 September 2006 : 16.10
There's this guy at work who thinks of himself as a killer salesman, and apparently he's pretty good at it. Unfortunately, he's also been infected by christianity, of the "latter-day saints" variety, and so he likes to thank his god whenever he gets a sale.
You know, it's funny. There's starvation happening in horrendous numbers, there's disease, poverty, suffering, war, all kinds of terrible things all over the world, and yet god's busy making certain that my coworker gets sales leads. There are people praying desperately to their god because prayer is hope, and hope is all they have, but he'd rather look after the people who already live in a land of abundance. No matter how much of a biblethumper you are, wouldn't you think that if god is supposed to be this all knowing, all powerful love machine who cares so much about humanity, he'd forget about the guys who just want more commission, and instead do something to protect the little girls in india and the middle east from being raped by the ignorant fuckheads who think that sex with a virgin will cure AIDS? Wouldn't you think that such things would be a higher priority for a god who's supposed to be all about love and righteousness? But then, I don't remember anything in the bible about Mary being a consenting adult, so maybe that tells us where god's sympathies lie.
Seriously, how mentally defective do you have to be to not see the inconsistency between the concept and the reality?

Funny that they should be a thanksgiving tradition, given that they're from Ireland, rather than the colonies.
16 September 2006 : 12.09
Thanksgiving is looming. Given the apologetic approach that the Canadian government has taken to native affairs, for good or for ill (on which I will comment at another time), I'm surprised that this event is still allowed to be a statutory holiday. If you think about it, it's essentially a celebration of the fact that the Europeans colonised North America, and took it away from the native inhabitants. I'm surprised that it hasn't been formally disbanded, or replaced with "Oppressive Invading Bastards Day" or "Smallpox Day" or something.

click for adorable baby grey pictures.
15 September 2006 : 13.48
Happy happy news! My friend Jozi managed to find and rescue BoBo the parrot, so he's safe and sound, back home where he belongs. I can't tell you how relieved I am. The poor little guy must have been terrified.
That said, there are still far too many birds who don't have homes of their own. Greyhaven is an exotic bird sanctuary full of people in need of love and affection, who have no human to call their own. If you're looking for a bird, please adopt from a shelter or sanctuary, rather than buying from a pet shop.

My Internet connection is broken. I feel so cut off from the world! Argh! I needs me some Internet! No messenger, no email, no web, no VNC.. how do people live like this?
12 September 2006 : 15.14
In my never ever so humble opinion, the expertise and inclination to operate the more basic features of indoor plumbing should be fundamental requirements for membership in our society. Or, to put it another way, flush the fucking toilet you arsehamster! jesus, it's like working with a bunch of three year-olds.
On that subject, though, it warms the heart to know that each and every day, millions of people across North America urinate on american standards.

The manbudgie has returned with a vengeance. The last few weeks he's lulled me into a false sense of security, but now he's back, and louder than ever. He also seems to have become an air drummer, which is like an air guitarist, only much more annoying.

So, if a woman gets divorced after her kids have already grown up and left home, is she still considered a single mother? I mean, technically she's single, and a mother, and yet the term doesn't seem to fit, somehow.

10 September 2006 : 16.24
If you voted for the conservatives, and therefore stephen harper, this is your fault:

I hope you're proud of yourself.

Hey you! Don't watch that! Watch this!
07 September 2006 : 13.31
Isn't insanity cool? I mean, think about it. Reality is all around us, inescapably all-consuming, and yet some people are partially or completely detached. The sort of thing that the rest of us try to do by reading fiction, going to the movies, playing games, all escapist passtimes, these people don't even need because they have their own weird little reality.
I think that's kind of cool. Who's to say that they're crazy? It's possible, isn't it, that they're crazy only because their perceptions and mental processes differ from those of the majority. But suppose that the majority was mad.. would sanity then be considered insanity? I wonder what colour the sky would be if the world were run by mental cases.
Because we reward insanity, don't we? I mean, we have our standard, grey little world that we've built, a world full of office towers and office cubicles and office workers, and we expect that everyone will look at life in the same way. You ask a child what he's going to be when he grows up, he'll say he wants to be something like an astronaut or a fireman or a pornstar. He'll never answer "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "adventurous," or "compassionate," and that's good, because we don't want that sort of abnormal behaviour in people we know, do we? We define who we are by what we do, and think that what we do is the same thing as our job. And so when someone comes along who looks at life in a different way, who sees colour and energy where society sees blocky grey careers, we call that person an artist, and we get all worked up about how great they are to be different. But even then, we only accept that sort of deviation to a point. There's a limit to what we're willing to consider art, and there's that fine line which marks it from insanity. But what's insanity but a different way of looking at things? It's more a scale, I think, a spectrum of madness, and we draw an arbitrary line through it at some point, and if you cross the line, we stick a label on you and say you're bonkers, and put you away with the lamppost scratchers. So we like you to be crazy, but past that line is too much of a good thing. It's mad, innit?

I've not always been mad, you know, but I was actually driven mad by the indifference of architects and council planners. You see, I live in a tower block, and the thing about those is, there's terrible noise problems, 'cause there's no noise insulation at all, you know, and eight floors below you, there's always some bastard who's got a Yamaha home organ, you know. You're just about to go to sleep and you hear this "DOOT DOOT! TCH-TCH, DOOT DOOT! TCH-TCH, ROLL-OUT-THE-BARRELS! DOOT-DOOT, TCH-TCH, DOOT DOOT, TCH-TCH" And like, the people who live upstairs from me, I can't understand what they're doing, you know, I listen. And all I can hear is this weird noise that goes, "Whoom whoom! Blam blam! Whoom whoom! Blam blam!" It sounds, right, it sounds like two elephants on a motorbike riding round and round, while a seal bangs a kipper on the table! I went upstairs to complain, and the door was answered by this elephant in a crash helmet! Standing behind him's this seal going, "What is it now, Ralph?" I dunno, it's just something cracked inside, and I started thinking I was a piece of sponge. I just started to get very depressed, I just can't hold it down...

06 September 2006 : 15.05
Steve Irwin has died. That's a real tragedy. He was a guy who really took an active role with regard to animal life, conservation, and education of the humans who so casually go about exterminating innocent creatures everywhere. His efforts in those areas have wrought significant changes in the way the world approaches such issues, and more than that, he genuinely cared.

It's criminal that someone like him is killed, particularly in a senseless accident, while people like Britney Spears and Paris fucking Hilton, who contribute absolutely nothing, get to go on living. So many humans are so useless.. why couldn't we swap one of those, and have Steve Irwin back?

04 September 2006 : 09.26
Having become a dedicated fan of David Tennant and Russel T. Davies due to their work on Doctor Who, I had to go and acquire Casanova. I recommend that you see it.
Now! It's brilliant! It's funny, moving, and full of sex. How can it not be a winner? David Tennant is fantastic, and Peter O'Toole.. do I even need to tell you that he's wonderful?

03 September 2006 : 15.44
So I received a message saying that I've been talking about girls of the female persuasion more than usual lately. Ok, I suppose that's true, but there's a reason for it. I have girls on my mind. And there's a reason for that, too. And it's not the one that you might assume.
The reason is that many people seem overly concerned with the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. What's that line from Shirley Valentine? Nothing upsets people like seeing a woman on her own? That seems to apply to everyone. They all seem so much more concerned about the situation than I am. One friend is threatening to put me on dating sites, another keeps introducing me to her friends, yet another keeps giving me advice..
Even my own mother.. it's awful. When the moon is in just the right phase, and that seems to be happening a lot lately, she incredibly transforms into an unusually Jewish woman. It's true! You can hear, through the chill night air, the blood curdling cry of "So when are you gonna find a nice girl?"
And if you listen very carefully, you can even hear "You never call, you never write. What am I, chopped liver? I'm just your mother!"
It's terrifying to behold.

Actually, there's a valid reason that I don't have a girlfriend at the moment. I just broke up with someone, but I had a good reason for doing so. We'd been dating for a while, and things were going along pretty well, when suddenly she decided that she should probably start spending more time with her husband. Well, I wasn't going to stand for that. Would you? Let him find his own girlfriend, the lazy bastard.

One ring to rule them all, and in the darkness... heh heh heh...
01 September 2006 : 19.22
Yeah, nice they may be, but satin sheets are bloody hot. They don't breathe, you see. I still really like 'em, though.
And you really needed to know that.

Summer is coming to an end, and yet still, Vancouver is filled with tourists. You hang about on Robson Street, you'll see hundreds and hundreds of Germans.
Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.

Speaking of which, I went to McDonald's for breakfast this morning..
Yes, I sometimes go to McDonald's for breakfast. It's quite tasty. Shut your face.
Anyway, while I was there, some woman was in the line complaining loudly to the cashier. Eventually, I managed to work out through her ridiculous accent that what she was upset about was that the cashier couldn't give her back change in american money. Hello? Which country are you in? You're just lucky they even take american money. When I was in Seattle a while ago, I was at a Starbucks, and the cashier didn't even seem to recognise Canadian money. So a little word to our american tourists: shut your fucking face, and take what you're given. Thank you, and enjoy your stay. Or don't. I don't care either way.

I've no idea why tourists come here, I really haven't. I mean, yes, it's a beautiful city, yes, the people are nice, and yes, there's me, but normally you get tourists in places that have a particular hook. Like, in Paris you have the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre, in London you have the Palace, and lots of other nifty things, in Rome you have the foundation of western freaking civilisation, and the colosseum, in washington you have the chimpanzee habitat white house, and so on. We don't really have anything that stands out as a tourist attraction, you know? What do they come to see?
I should take one of the sight-seeing tours one of these days, just to see what they're showing people.

I've found time to play a game! Yay me!
Ok, so it's not cause for celebration, but it's pretty exciting. I never find time to play games these days. I've been playing Lord Of The Rings: The Battle For Middle Earth 2. It's pretty good. Keeps to the lore of the Tolkien mythology pretty well, in a real-time strategery kind of way. The only thing that sucks is the hero creation mode.
Let me explain. It has a hero creation mode, and it allows you to make a hero that you can use in the game. Nifty idea, yes? Only, I made a wizard called Roger The Bastard, and the fucking program fucking censored my fucking character. fuck. I mean, bastard? That's hardly grounds for censoring, is it? So I had to settle for Tarquin the Impolite. And Precious Carl, the pink Uruk-Hai. And a bunch of others. Tanya the Overly Friendly, I think.
Anyway, aside from that one vague complaint, it's a pretty good game. That's about all I have to say about that. You want a review, go and read a game review site, you lazy buggers. What, I'm supposed to do all of the work for you? What do I look like?

Don't answer that.

26 August 2006 : 17.43
Turns out that I can do teriyaki. I'm really glad to discover this, as otherwise it would have been a bit of a disaster.
Wow, I have virtually no furniture left. A couple of desks (and they'll be out as soon as I can whittle down the number of computers I have), a couch, a dining table, and a bed.
Love my bed. It's a beautiful queen sized four-poster that I've had for almost a year now. It was a steal, too. I had a hell of a time getting it out of the shop under my coat, but that's determination for you. And I've just renovated my bedroom, too, so it's much more at home. It's all done in burgundy and gold.. burgundy curtains, burgundy comforter with deep gold embroidery, matching bed skirt, and, because I'm really into textures, sheets of burgundy satin. Decorative pillows, too, including that stupid cylindrical one, of whose purpose no one has the slightest clue.
It's quite a nice combination. Now I just need to construct the framey bit to go around the top, as it doesn't have one of those. Very useful as a curtain rail for migraine days. a big blackout curtain suspended from that, and I could shut out the entire world on demand.

So many things to buy to refurnish my apartment. I'm going to have to go and rent a truck, and pillage the local Ikea.
25 August 2006 : 15.38
I'm rummaging through my stuff, and chucking out the things that I don't need. I have a lovely new black couch, so out goes the old ratty one with the hide-a-bed. Tatty old book shelves, old pots and pans, stuff I never used, or can easily replace with much nicer versions. There's stupid stuff, too. A friend of mine had an old fashioned, free standing bath tub, and a hand-held shower, but no shower curtain. And she had no way of putting up a curtain rail because she lived in a heritage house, and couldn't drill into the walls or ceiling. So I was building her a free standing curtain rail (complete with built-in shower head holder) so that she could have a shower. It was just about finished, too. Then we unfortunately lost touch, and now it's just taking up space, so out it goes. I mean, how stupid is it to have something like that hanging about your apartment? I'm keeping the curtain that I bought to go with it, though. Never know when you might need a spare shower curtain.
It's amazing how much junk collects, as opposed to how much I actually need.
Still, it can be hard to throw things away, particularly if they have good memories. And since I'm talking about furniture like couches and beds, that's as far as I'm going to go with that.

Tonight's culinary experiment: teriyaki blade steak, and teriyaki stir-fried vegetables. (peppers, onions, etc)
I've never done teriyaki, so this will be an adventure.

22 August 2006 : 08.21
And speaking of whacko bible thumpers and survival of the fittest, this freak show refuses to let her children have rabies shots, even though there have been bats living in her apartment. The best bit?
"... she will rely on her faith to protect her family, not any shots.

Yes, she'd rather take her chances with her children's lives, and their exposure to a lethal disease, than trust in the evils of modern medicine. She's going to put her faith in god, trusting that he, in his infinite wisdom, will protect her family from rabies. Of course, it was her god, in his infinite mercy, who created rabies in the first place, so I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Why are people so bloody stupid? Religion is idiotic at the best of times, but when it threatens the lives of your children, that's abuse. It's as simple as that. Maybe she believes that god will protect her children from rabies, but given the number of people who have died because god didn't protect them from rabies, is it worth the risk? Is her god likely to thank her for being stupid enough to reject the preventative when it's right freaking there?
My guess is no. If they develop rabies, her children will die. Simple as that. And if that happens, she should be charged, just as surely as if she'd shot them.

19 August 2006 : 12.01
Oh dear. How pathetic is this? According to a poll, only forty percent of americans acknowledge that evolutionary theory explains the origin of species. Specifically, humanity. And worse, that's actually down five percent from other polls over the last twenty years! While the rest of the world is advancing in scientific knowledge, america seems to be sliding slowly backward. The poll also indicates that the only country which rejects evolutionary theory to a greater degree than america is Turkey, at seventy-five percent rejection. The chart is here. How messed up and backward is that country when, in spite of the overwhelming evidence in support of the theory, the fact that we can cause evolution in a laboratory using fruitflies, the fact that humans have been artificially selecting for new breeds of animals and plants for millennia, the superbug medical crisis, the fossil freaking record, and the complete lack of any evidence opposing the theory, sixty percent of the population is unable to accept it? It boggles the mind how such an incredibly huge number of people can have trouble with a concept with which most other civilised nations are both confident and comfortable. Even the catholics accept evolution, for christ's sake!

Mind you, it's hardly surprising. This is the country that's actually having to debate whether it's right to teach evolution in science classes in high school, and even considering insisting that creationism be taught along side it. As a science.

If you're not reading this in america: No, seriously. Some states even have stickers in science text books which advise that evolution is "only a theory" and should not be considered fact. That's both hilarious and obscene.

If you're reading this in america, the story is not exactly news, I know, and you have my sympathy. As do all of the poor bastards in school who are being taught to doubt the masses of evidence all around them in favour of the giant pixie in the sky theory. Complete and utter bollocks. And this is the stuff of which the american education system is made.

Opposition to medical research, "education" based upon superstition and a frankly ludicrous and insane mythology, anti-intellectualism at the highest governmental levels.. it seems as though the US is spiralling back into the dark ages, but with the technology of today. Can you imagine giving nuclear weapons to the holy crusaders of 1096 AD?
Remember, we're talking about a nation of hardcore xtian whackjobs here.

Attend the tale of Sweeny Todd...
16 August 2006 : 13.32
"You have nooo idea... the difference in sex drive between a man and woman is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. Trust me, ladies... if you knew, even for a second, how we men really look at you, you would never stop slapping us."

It's odd what people find attractive. I was talking to some friends a little while ago, and somehow the conversation got onto the subject of shaving. Anyway, I mentioned that I use a straight razor because I have sensitive skin, and all of the various females present started talking about how sexy that is. And it's not the first time that that has happened. This raises an interesting point. How in the name of Sweeny Todd's bollocks can using a particular type of razor be considered sexy? I think that it must come down to all of the things that go with it. I imagine that, consciously or not, women put a lot more thought into what makes something sexy. For males, sexy is pretty much what they can see. Specific features, attitude, behaviour.. ok, mostly features. More specifically, boobs. And other such obviously sexual features. Whereas females seem to find sexiness in not just primary sexual traits, but things which you wouldn't normally associate with sexiness. Such as shoulders. How on Earth a person's shoulders can be sexy when they're not remotely associated with sex is unclear, but I have a lot of female friends, and I've definitely noticed a pattern. So what I'm saying here is that males seem to find sexiness on the surface, while females seem to find sexiness all over the place.

It's been said that female sexuality is more complex than male. I'd have to agree.
Male sexuality is like the tympani in a symphony orchestra. It's big, and loud, just like most men, and a definite driving force. That's why they used to use them on Roman galleys. Both men and tympani. And like Roman galleys, the philosophy seems to be that the bigger your oar, the more effectively you can row.

Female sexuality, on the other hand, is like the entire string section, usually with woodwind accompaniment. There are subtleties and nuances, interplays and crescendos. And it's a beautiful thing, whether you consider the seemingly an endless variety of chords and harmonies, or a solo woman fiddling away all by herself.

Ok, so you can only stretch the analogy so far. But I'm sure that I'm not the only person who has drawn this comparison. The Internet must be full of serious discussions of sex and violins.

The mother's the hero? Nice twist.
12 August 2006 : 08.10
Helpful information for the linguistically challenged, the functionally illiterate, and americans:

The words than and then are not interchangeable. When comparing two things, use than. When drawing a conclusion, or speaking in past or future tense, use then.
  • I would rather have my entire body vigorously rubbed by a man with a cheese grater than go out with you.
  • If the americans elect another republican government after the fiasco of the last few years, then they're more stupid than even I suspected.

  • Do you get it now, or should I draw a picture?

    Next, if you don't care, the phrase is "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less." If you could care less, then you do care a bit. If you couldn't care less then you already don't care at all, because it is impossible for you to care less than you already do.

    See? Language is easy. It makes sense, when you use it properly.

    Border Collie. More intelligent than at least eighty percent of america.
    12 August 2006 : 08.10
    A study was undertaken in Germany, at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology, some time ago, which tested whether dogs are aware of being watched, and modify their behaviour accordingly. Part of the study, the practical experiment, involved a scientist putting a biscuit on the floor in front of a dog, telling him not to eat it, and then watching him to make certain that he didn't. He didn't. He's a good dog.
    The same experiment was then performed, but with the scientist absent, or playing a video game, and obviously not watching the dog. He knew that he wasn't being watched, and stealthily munched the treat within five seconds. Who's a clever boy?

    This raises some amazing points. Think of it. These dogs not only understood the purpose of the scientist's eyes, they recognised which way they were pointed, and that they needed to be pointed toward them for the scientist to be watching. They also realised the consequences of being caught stealing the biscuit that they'd been told not to eat, and worked out that if the scientist didn't see them steal it, they could get away with it. They wanted their biscuits, examined the obstacle, broke it into its components, and overcame it at its weak point. That's fantastic!

    What's amazing to me is that every day, as I walk to work, I see birds doing the same things. I've found that the crows and the robins that I meet hop out of my way, and then watch me carefully as I pass. If I look at them, they fly off before I reach them. If I deliberately turn my head in the opposite direction, they just stand still and wait for me to pass. Common bird behaviour, but think of what it means! I'm not even of the same species, and yet they recognise how I see, and watch to determine whether I see them before they act. That's pretty intelligent behaviour. Pigeons, on the other hand, just run ahead of me until they get too worried, and then they fly off. No sense of reason there, just instinctive panic reaction.

    Speaking of crows, I pass a fountain on my way each day, and on sunny days, these chaps gather to bathe, stand about in the sun, and poke in the grass for anything worth eating. You see them splashing about in the water, and then hopping out onto a bench nearby, fluffing themselves up as much as possible in the morning sun. It reminds me of the Roman baths.

    And there's a Border Collie called Rico who has a vocabulary of over 200 words, and who can extrapolate the meaning of new words that he hasn't heard before.
    That means that he has better language and reasoning skills than most americans.

    No, that's mean. I keep doing that, and I should stop. I shouldn't undermine the significance of his accomplishments with such faint praise.

    Spendor Without Diminishment. But enough about me...
    07 August 2006 : 13.13
    It's BC Day! So if you're in BC, happy BC Day to you! And if you're not, happy BC Day to you anyway. We're just so generous around here that we're willing to share. :)

    06 August 2006 : 16.25
    Happy Pride Weekend!

    Today is the day of the Pride Parade, and once again I don't get to go. Bugger.

    beep beep beep
    05 August 2006 : 08.00
    Ugh. Four hours of sleep. Worth it, though. I ate copious amounts of fish with a bunch o' friends last night, and met a girl who is into Star Wars.
    While that, in and of itself, does not make her a geek, it got me thinking. Girl geeks aren't as uncommon as everyone thinks. Oh, you don't see many of them, and it's generally assumed that they're an endangered species, but I've known quite a few in my time. So I think that it's not that there aren't many of them. I think that girl geeks just camoflage better than boy geeks. Just as the stick insect or leaf moth is invisible until he moves, so the elusive girl geek blends into her surroundings until she accidentally lets slip a Star Wars or Linux reference. And then she gets hit on shamelessly by the other geeks.
    Which raises another interesting question. Geeks are generally known for their lack of fashion sense. Hence the blue jeans, black t-shirt stereotype. Gay men, however, are generally known for their great fashion sense. So if you have a gay geek, which of the two wins? Or do they balance out, and he just looks like a normal straight guy?

    I need a phone with MP3 ringtones. Specifically so that I can have Ellen Feiss say "beep beep beep" when someone calls me. No one remembers Ellen any more, do they? Bit of a flash in the pan. And who wouldn't want to be flashed by Ellen?
    Oh, you know you love her.

    Why on Earth would you buy a Mac?
    04 August 2006 : 14.38
    Overheard in the tech support call centre:
    Support rep: (into phone) T as in Tango, L as in Lemur. (pause) As in Lemur, yes. (longer pause) A small nocturnal primate found mainly in Madagascar."

    Yes, I know it's Lima, but it made me chuckle.

    Hey, you wanna see something fancy? Apple has introduced a two button mouse. Two buttons! Surely not! No man can live at that speed!
    Will the Mac users be able to handle something as complex as a second button? Maybe if Apple includes a tutorial. With pretty pictures.
    Yes, Macs have been able to support multibutton mouses.. mousi.. moose since OS X came out, but official Mac hardware didn't include it, and given how much you pay for Mac hardware, I should bloody expect a second button. And a third. And a fourth. Mine is a Microsoft Intellimouse with five buttons. You have any idea how much faster and easier your life becomes when you have three application-specific buttons in addition to your standard two (and wheel)? Having dedicated copy, paste, and delete buttons when editing text/HTML is a beautiful thing.

    One thing I will say, though, is that Apple's ad agency is freaking brilliant. Particularly during the iPod and fruity iMac campaigns. Just look at the number of parodies, from iCoffin to iBrator. Hating the new Mac commercials, though. I saw one the other day where the Mac guy goes on about how he can do fun stuff like play games and make movies, while the PC guy seems limited to spreadsheets and pie charts. Well, I'm certainly convinced. After all, computer gaming is huge, with enormous numbers of games being produced and purchased every year. If PCs can't play games, it must be Mac users who are buying them all, so Macs must completely dominate the market. Let's see...
    Well, my goodness me! Look at that! Apple has only a two percent share of the personal computer market. Two percent. That's not remotely enough to justify the game sales and releases that we've been seeing for years. Now that makes me wonder. Which platform could be running all of these games? I know, I'll just check the system requirements on some of the most recently released games. Hang on a moment..

    Would you look at that? Windows XP? Pentium processor? That sounds like PC architecture.
    But wait! Didn't Apple just switch to the Pentium processor architecture? And make a big fuss about how Macs are better for it? And haven't they introduced support for Windows XP, which is a PC operating system?
    It could be that I'm a bit confused, but if the Mac is so much better than the PC architecture, I'm wondering why Apple is gradually adopting all of this inferior technology.
    Simply put, it's because the PC architecture is what we call "the whole product," while there's barely any technical or manufacturer support for the Mac. Ever tried calling technical support for a third party device, and telling them that you have a Mac? They'll probably have to have their Mac guy call you back. But hey, at least they're pretty, right?

    Speaking of technology, pardon me while I salivate profusely over this. A 30 GB optical storage card using, 5W337 holographic versatile technology, with a credit card form factor? Think how much stuff you could carry around, just in your wallet. And it'll be available at the end of this year.

    Now, on more important matters. Check out Smerins Anti-Social Club. Fantastic! Particularly Toadstool.
    Netty Hawker really knows her way around a trumpet. She must get so tired of the horn jokes, though.

    03 August 2006 : 14.41
    Just found out that a friend of mine has a gig on Eureka! How cool is that?* If you haven't heard of it, it's a Sci Fi Channel science fiction series, apparently shot around here (as is so much of their stuff). Well, mostly around here. Surrey and Chilliwack. Ladysmith, too, but that's over on Vancouver Island, so I've never been there.
    I haven't actually seen the show, though it's getting good reviews, I hear, but now I'll have to, won't I? He's apparently a character called Vincent, though that's all of the information I have. Still, if you see the programme, wave to Vincent and shout "hi Chris!" for me.

    * I should clarify that. It's not cool in a "woo! I know someone on telly!" sort of way. It's cool in a "Yay! My friend is working!" sort of way. If you have friends who are actors, you know what I mean.

    African Grey - Dorsal Elevation
    African Grey - Ventral Elevation
    African Grey - Starboard Elevation
    29 July 2006 : 08.14
    A cry for help

    My friend Jozi's parrot has escaped. He was very happy with her, and thoroughly loved, but a moment's distraction and an open window, and the wild bird instincts take over. So now he's out somewhere in the lower mainland, alone in an unfamiliar environment. He probably won't know what to eat, and will be rejected, and possibly attacked, by the wild birds native to this area.
    He has no human, no food, and no home. He must be terrified.

    He was last seen in the area of Commercial Drive and East 6th Avenue in Vancouver. He's an African Grey, so he's grey in colour, with a red tail and a black beak, and about thirty centimeters (eleven inches) long. Some pictures of African Greys can be seen to the left there, for reference.
    He answers to, and says, "Hi BoBo!"

    I don't want to post Jozi's phone number or email address on here, of course, but if you see BoBo, or manage to catch him, please, please let me know, and I'll call her immediately. If you have some time to spare to walk around the area where he was last seen, and whistle for him, you might very well help to save his little life.

    Thank you.

    Repeat after me: the Internet is not a truck.
    pneumatic capsule
    27 July 2006 : 12.36
    There's been a lot of poking and laughing at the yankee tenator Ted Stevens for his explanation of how the Internet works, but let's take a look at what he actually said, and see whether it makes any sense:

    And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

    It's a series of tubes.

    And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

    Ok, first impression: that sounds like a bit of mindless babble dribbled by someone who has no idea how the Internet works.
    However, if you stop and think about it, there are two possibilities: either Stevens meant that literally, as in the Internet is a series of, for example, pneumatic tubes, or he meant it figuratively, in much the same way we talk about pipes.
    Think about it, if you are trying to construct an analogy when discussing Internet congestion with people who don't necessarily understand the technology, which he was, comparing the network to a series of tubes actually kind of makes sense. We even talk about the size of the pipe when describing an Internet connection. And so, if he was speaking metaphorically, as is suggested by the truck reference, he just found an awkward way of expressing a fairly practical analogy.

    However, he also said

    I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

    so we know that he is, in fact, just a moron.

    Hm. If the Internet really were a series of pneumatic tubes, just think how messy a packet collision would be.

    23 July 2006 : 11.46
    Yesterday there were protests along Robson. A parade of demonstrators marching down the middle of the road, while people lined the sidewalks on either side and watched. I think they were trying to figure out what the protest was about, since the demonstrators weren't very clear with their slogans, and seemed intent upon hiding their carefully made signs from anyone who might be trying to read them. They stamped along shouting things that sounded like "No mustard, no sheep!" and, I think, calling for the resignation of Prime Minister John A. MacDonald.

    here comes the sun, deedle deedee
    22 July 2006 : 08:04
    Dammit. For the past few days my Internet connection has been up and down more often than a Frenchman's trousers. There's clearly a signal issue on my line, but it's only just started. How incredibly inconvenient.

    I just received a spam message for "christian healthcare." The funny part is that it contains the phrase "After all, Christians normally lead lifestyles that are healthier than most of the rest of the world."
    Ha! america is, what, eighty percent christian? And they're some of the fattest, most unhealthy people in the developed nations. How are christians more healthy than, say, Buddhists or Hindus, who tend toward vegetarianism? Or could this be merely a gimmick to attract a consumer base composed of people who are already known to be enormously gullible?

    Ah, summer. I don't like it. Well, I don't like bits of it. The hot bits. And the bright bits. Heat and sunlight are my arch nemesisesesis. Consequently, during the summer months I try to avoid going outside as much as possible to avoid burning, and I have an almost constant headache from the heat. That said, summer has one very nice redeeming quality, and that's Robson Street. And the whole West End, actually. Two redeeming qualities. And Kits. Ok, three redeeming qualities. Summer has three redeeming qualities. And they all come back to the same root idea. If you're into eye candy, summer in Vancouver is a wonderful experience. Particularly in the afore-mentioned areas. The West End is right by the beach, which means that you get a lot of people wandering around wearing very little. And nearby Robson is a place to be seen, so there's a lot on display there, too. And since Canada is all about diversity, you get all kinds, from jiggly giggly Japanese girls, and cute Koreans, to hot hispanics, not to mention every flavour of caucasian. Whatever shape, colour, or gender you like to look at, there's something for everyone. Except the furries. Thank goodness.
    Can you imagine being a furry cruising for love at the height of summer?
    Anyway, back to the point. People say that Vancouver is a beautiful city, and it's true. They also say that we're very diverse, and that's also true. Cyclical cause and effect, I think.
    So I'm not suggesting that you wander around Robson or the West End slobbering after every pretty person you see, but if you're sight-seeing, don't forget to check out some of the most spectacular views in Vancouver.

    Surgeon general's warning: if you smoke, you're a fucking idiot. Just so you know.
    15 July 2006 : 13.56
    According to this story on MSNBC, smoking accounts for one in five cancer deaths, and tobacco is expected to kill a billion people this century.
    A billion stupid people, that is. People stupid enough to start smoking when they know what it will do to them. But the most important thing is that a number of those stupid people are Canadian. Not a huge number, since smoking seems to be rapidly declining in popularity here, but enough. Stupid people are stupid people, and if they want to poison themselves, I'm all for it, but the problem is this: who's going to pay for their respirators and chemo and all sorts of other things when they damage themselves through their entirely voluntary self destruction? Me, that's who. And all of the other tax payers, obviously. That's the down side to healthcare, you see. We pay the state, the state pays for the medical, but some people are more of a drain on the system than others because they choose, choose mind you, to destroy their health by pursuing a filthy habit. That leaves less healthcare money for those people who are genuinely in need of it, and that's not right. I have two possible solutions to this situation:
    My first plan: smokers should be denied healthcare, period. No healthcare as long as you're going to go on poisoning yourself. It's like crashing your car or burning your house to collect the insurance money. You're a smoker and you get sick, aww, woogie. You can pay for your cigarettes, you can pay for your bloody medical.

    My second, and favourite plan: if they want to smoke, we should just set them on fire. So much quicker than letting them die slowly of emphysema or cancer, don't you agree?

    Ok, yes, most of my brilliant plans involve fire. But why mess with a winning formula?
    Of course, we'd have to implement those plans in that order, or it could get expensive, and that would be self-defeating.
    15 July 2006 : 13.16
    Remember RollerGames from 1989/1990? Yeah, neither does anyone else, but it was still pretty nifty. Well now, roller derby is making yet another return, and this time Vancouver has our own rollergirl league: The Terminal City Roller Girls, of which my friend Katherine The Great (or Katherine The Really Awesome, I can never remember) is, I believe, a founding member. Nifty name, don't you think?
    Of course, it doesn't hurt that some rollergirls are particularly hawt.
    Oh, like you hadn't noticed.
    Anyway, today there's a front page story about them in The Vancouver Courier. It looks like fun, actually. I'm not one for sports, but if there were a local bout, I'd be tempted to go and wave something pink in support of the team.
    oh, honestly, did you have to assume that's what I meant? Sicko.

    Photo by Chuck Russell, copied from The Vancouver Courier and used here without permission. Mainly because I haven't any idea how to contact him to get permission. But it's such a good picture that I had to share it, just in case the Courier article goes away.

    15 July 2006 : 08.46
    Ah, the wit and wisdom of the manbudgie. Yesterday we received a message from a user with the last name Badkook. The manbudgie made a "joke" about how this guy could never work in a kitchen. You know, because he was a bad cook.
    He went on about this for half an hour. Making the same "joke" every time. Usually in the same words. And laughing at himself uproariously every time.
    Such gems as "It's a good thing he doesn't run a restaurant. 'cuz he's a bad cook," and "He can't get a job in a restaurant kitchen. He's a bad cook!" and the always classic "I wouldn't eat at his restaurant because he's a bad cook."
    When I think of all of the acclaim that hacks like Wilde and Pratchett receive while comic giants like the manbudgie go so unnoticed, I feel I should weep.

    Unfortunately, my company has a fairly strict policy regarding the garotting of co-workers, so that went on for thirty minutes. And he thought it was funny every time he said it. And people wonder how shows like married with children stay on the air for so long.

    This is the story of how I died.
    13 July 2006 : 15.09
    She gave us two good seasons, and did a marvellous job of bringing back one of the most iconic and wonderful programmes in the history of television. Without her, it probably wouldn't have been the success that it has become, and that would be a real tragedy.
    So good luck Billie Piper, and thank you.

    soupy twist.

    They're bigger on the inside than on the outside.
    13 July 2006 : 12.22
    We now join our web site already in progress.

    ... and so the nun says "That's why the penguin gets the bicycle!"
    Ah, the old ones are still the best. Now then, it's been a while since I posted anything on here, so for those who missed it: Happy New Year!

    Bet you feel better for that, don't you? Well, I've been spring cleaning.. I always start late, primarily because I'm lazy. Anyway, I seem to have accidentally thrown out most of my furniture. It was ugly anyway, so I have no regrets. Except that the floor is a little hard for lounging. Still, goodbye tacky black couch! Adios ugly old desk! Ta ta weirdly sized book cases!
    I'm essentially down to a desk, a bed, and an office chair. A touch too minimalist, I feel. I have a dining table, too, though. I'm just not certain where I've put it. It's time for a whirlwind shopping trip to Ikea, to pick up some attractive Swedish pieces for around the house. And, of course, some furniture.

    Tragically, another season of Doctor Who has come to an end. So sad.. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And David Tennant is a fantastic Doctor.
    That said, there's plenty of merchandising to keep me occupied until Torchwood. And in the spirit of marketing, if you look to your left, you will see an example of how it can go too far.

    footie footie footie footie footie footie footie footie footie footie footie footie England England!
    10 July 2006 : 14.35
    Viva Italia, apparently. The World Cup is football, right? Not much of a sports fan, me, even though my background should mean that I'm really into the footie.
    Still, in the spirit of the thing:

    Pardon me, do you have any WMDs?
    24 June 2006 : 15.59
    Oooooh dear. The republicans in yankeeland have trotted out a report claiming that "weapons of mass destruction" (which is a dubious term in any case) have actually been found. Check out the headline from Faux News, along with one quoted line from somewhere deep inside the article:
    Report: Hundreds of WMDs Found in Iraq
    ""This does not reflect a capacity that was built up after 1991," the official said, adding the munitions "are not the WMDs this country and the rest of the world believed Iraq had, and not the WMDs for which this country went to war.""

    First of all, the rest of the world did not believe that Iraq had "WMDs" you imbecile. That's why there were all of those protests against the yankee invasion of Iraq. Remember that? Remember the whole thing about how the inspectors couldn't find anything which supported the bush administrations claims that there were WMDs in Iraq? You might recall that there was a bit of a rumpus over that. You mook.
    And secondly, EVERYBODY PANIC! Dear god! They've found pre-1991 chemical weapons which have degraded to the point that they're completely unusable, and have been for years! AHHHH!
    So how many years after the initial invasion, this is the best they've been able to come up with? Some inert, useless, antiquated chemical weapons that couldn't possibly have been used against the US, even if Iraqi soldiers carried them there themselves.
    But let us remember the immortal words words of Donald Rumsfeld on March 30, 2003:
    "We know where they are. They are in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad." Over three years later, behold! Gaze in terror at the awesome power of the Iraqi nukular program! It's a bloody good thing that the US invaded Iraq, isn't it? Oh, this justifies it all, right?
    Fuck off. The most harm these things could do you would be if they were to bonk you on the head. Hardly mass destruction, really.
    It's a delightfully incendiary headline, though. And just look at the timing of it. Coincides fairly neatly with santorum's ratings, doesn't it?

    Fortunately, not everyone is taken in.

    24 June 2006 : 14.50
    Oh, those wacky creationists. Check out this clip from The Daily Show, where Lewis Black talks about creationists. There's a whole Ed Helms thing before it, but it's not as good as they usually are.

    Good god I'm tired. I can barely keep my eyes open. You know when you're so tired that you can barely maintain your balance? I'm lucky this chair has a back to it, or I'd be flat on the floor. This morning lark is nice, but getting up at 5.30 sucks. A lot. And it seems that I'm allergic to people. Now that I'm on the SkyTrain in rush hour, I'm surrounded by people, and I've discovered that almost as soon as I get onto the SkyTrain I have all of the summer allergy responses, and as soon as I get off the SkyTrain they go away again. Since the concentration of people is the only factor that has changed, it must be the people who are triggering the allergic response.
    I knew I disliked people, but to actually be allergic to them, that's taking it to a whole new level.

    Mr. Cruise? Mr. Cruise, come out of the closet.
    23 June 2006 : 10.59
    There was comedy the other night, and a crowd of us went to watch people stand on stage and try to make us laugh. In Vancouver, this is harder than you think. I've talked to a number of comics, and they all say that Vancouver audiences are some of the hardest they've ever had to play.
    Anyway, a friend of mine came along, and brought a couple of his friends, and right away I knew that there was something going on there because when I was introduced, one of them gave me this look and said "It's a pleasure to meet you," with a long, slow handshake.
    Which it is, of course, no matter who you are. A pleasure to meet me, I mean. But there was a whole lot of emphasis there. Enough that even I noticed it, and I'm usually oblivious to any display of interest but the most obvious bludgeoning. And later I was told that inquiries had been made into my current dating/marriage situation.
    All of this would be good, except that my friend's friend is called Alex, and has too many Y chromosomes to be my type.
    Why am I such a boy magnet!? This happens all the time. It's almost a shame I'm not gay.. I'd get so much action.

    I don't understand it. I mean, I'm so rugged and macho. Right? Right? Besides, one glance at my clothes should be enough to see that I'm painfully, unco-ordinatedly straight.

    The preceding comment was a reference to the stereotype of sexual orientation and its supposed effect upon fashion sense. Did you spot it?

    That said, it's not like I'm complaining. It's flattering to be found attractive, even by people who are clearly not my type. Straight I may be, but I'm not homophobic, so I can appreciate the interest, even if I don't return it. :)

    And on the same subject, check this out. My god, it's almost unbelievable. But only almost, and that's the most frightening part.
    22 June 2006 : 12.22
    heh heh heh. Hail to the stupid. Actually, I'm in favour of removing the helmet law. If someone is too stupid to wear a helmet on a motorcycle, I should think that society is better off without them, wouldn't you? So remove the helmet law and let the problem sort itself out. But no healthcare if you don't wear a helmet. If you're riding without a helmet and you get into an accident, that's too bad, but healthcare shouldn't cover you. Like smokers. If I had my way, healthcare would be denied smokers because they're intentionally damaging themselves. Either that or they should have to pay a massive premium to compensate for the fact that they smoke, and are therefore more of a drain on the healthcare system than someone who doesn't.

    Speaking of stupid, let's talk about San Antonio for a minute. Tilman Fertitta, the CEO of a company which redesigned the revolving restaurant at the top of the "Tower Of The Americas" says that the restaurant is "a 4D ride where not only do see it, you feel it, you hear it, you touch it," said Fertitta. "It uses all of the senses and that's what makes it 4D."
    Wow, that's genius, that is. It uses all of the five senses (six if you count motion), of which he named only three, and that makes it exist in four dimensions.
    It just goes to show that you don't have to have a brain to be a CEO.

    In exciting news, yay! I've been going on and on about the potential and desirability of vat-grown meat for ages, and it looks like it might finally happen.
    There may be hope for the animals of our planet yet. Hopefully this will cause the whaling nations to stop what they're doing. I doubt it, though. What I wouldn't give for the Nautilus sometimes.

    In other news, can you say "double standard" ? I knew that you could. Let me explain to the idiots who don't seem to get it: whether it's the husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, dog, lemur, or oyster who is either hitting or being hit, it's never ok. The only time it's not a bad thing is when you're disciplining a child who is too difficult to be reasoned with, because that's all they respond to. Notice how out of control kids are today, coinciding with the movement against the occasional smacked bottom? Parents: time-outs do bugger all. If your child is misbehaving, and annoying me on the SkyTrain or in a restaurant, you need to be able to menace him with a smack to make him stop. He won't respect anything less. I should know, I was a hell of a difficult child. Or so I'm told.
    But I'm off-topic. I'll post more about that particular subject when I have a bit more time.

    21 June 2006 : 16.11
    At work, we have a dress code. Nothing really uncommon about that, I suppose, but if you think about it, the idea of the dress code is flawed. They say "Dress professional, act professional."
    Even ignoring the horrendous grammar, this suggests that clothes maketh the man. My company has these stupid values, ranging from "accountability" to "loyalty" (they ignored my suggestions of "sarcasm" and "bitterness"), and they claim that these are the qualities which make their employees so professional and competent.
    The dress code is business casual, so collared shirt, khaki pants, that sort of thing. You can't violate even a bit of the dress code. It's all or nothing, and they get upset if you wear a collared shirt and jeans. "Jeans aren't professional!" they say, and bleat on about values.
    So what they're telling me is that the only thing keeping me from being an unprincipled cad is pants.
    Actually, there might be something to that.

    Oh no! It's I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again, mother! Again!
    17 June 2006 : 19.32
    I'm listening to I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again. It's absolutely brilliant, and if you appreciate British comedy like The Goons, and/or Monty Python's Fying Circus, it's well worth listening to. It was radio sketch comedy, complete with recurring characters whose entrances always inspired enormous cheers from the studio audiences. The humour was typical of the surrealism of John Cleese (appropriate, since he was in it), and included sketches like the Swan lake sports commentary, Lawrence of Arabia on Ice, episodic stories like The Curse Of The Flying Wombat, and the Electric Time Trousers, and an unhealthy obssession with gibbons. And ferrets.
    They even did a pantomime once a year. One year it was "Dr. Zhivago And His Wonderful Lamp"

    Sample clip: tracks from the Julie Andrews Dirty Songbook O.B.E.

    They're tablets. Duh.
    17 June 2006 : 11.02
    Heh heh heh...
    Stephen Colbert asking congressman Westmoreland (who sponsored the bill to display the ten commandments in the yankee congress) to name the ten commandments. What do you think happens?

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