thanks for choosing god.

speaking of scams...
Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Samus Aran
12 February 2005 : 17.18
he, just got an email message from a Justin Bailey.
C'mon, Justin Bailey? As in


You kids today, you got no idea. Back in my day, games only had eight bits. Samus only had two dimensions, and she was lucky to have those!

'Why not go to war just for oil? We need oil. What do Hollywood celebrities imagine fuels their private jets? How do they think their cocaine is delivered to them?' -said coulter
12 February 2005 : 12.55
It's video day! Here's something to keep you amused. (wmv, 3.17 MB)

And here's a little series of news clips (wmv, 2.63 MB) to illustrate the american view of Canada, featuring the always-popular anne coulter saying such things as "... when you're allowed to exist on the same continent as the united states of america..." and "They are lucky we allow them to exist..."
Or how about the guy in the clip after that who says that "without the US Canada is essentially Honduras but, y'know, colder and much less interesting" and that "The average Canadian is busy dogsledding,"
And yet it still surprises them that we hate them so..
Oh, there are yankees who aren't so bad. You can hear the defence of Canada by an american in the coulter clip, but ultimately, these are the sorts of opinions that travel the furthest and are the most widely heard.

Speaking of the yankees, it's great that they spent so much to liberate the people of Iraq. Oh, sure, everyone said that it was about the oil, but how could it have been? They're great humanitarians. That's what they tell us, and how could we doubt it? Look how immediately they leap to the assistance of other nations! Talking about the UK's proposed International Finance Facility, which would double aid to third world nations, I think that John Taylor, the US treasury under-secretary said it best when he said, "Not only does the IFF not work for the United States, we don't need the IFF,"
Well, there you have it. How could anyone have doubted the humanitarian motivation of the invasion of Iraq when the yankees are clearly so committed to helping people the world over, whether or not there's oil in their country. So do I now owe Heather an apology for doubting her nation's motives?
Funny, I don't feel as though I do.
11 February 2005 : 18.00
So as I type this, my brother is ripping up the comedy scene at the HBO Comedy festival in Aspen. That's the festival where the industry guys see you and make a big fuss. Seriously, if anyone there has the sense to recognise his M4D K0M3DY 5K1LLZ, and it sounds like they have, he'll be the next big monkey of teh funnay.

Can I get a hell yeah?


The big noise is already onto him talking about signing and things. W00t! With a capital W00.

Blackmore's Night
11 February 2005 : 16.58
People forward me enough quizzes that I've made a quiz page. There are only like three on there at the moment, but more will be added, I've no doubt.

I've been getting back in touch with friends I haven't seen in ages. I just saw dear Lisa Dawn the other night, which was lovely. She's such an immensely cool person.
Went for lunch with the incredibly cool girl from work yesterday, and it was delightful. Yay cool people!

My show is all off the ground and doing very well. The crowds are growing, and it's getting even better as the cast plays about with it. [ sniff ] My baby's all grown up..

On a terribly sad note, the release date for Serenity appears to have been pushed to September 30.

Speaking of movies, great quote on Fark:
I heard "The Passion of the Christ" was recut with scenes of SpongeBob pleading tolerance among all people. In a scene of startling comPassion, he soaks up Jesus' blood and turns from yellow into red. Although he changed colors on the outside, it highlights that we are all sponges on the inside. Very moving and more believable than the original release.
The valley green was so serene
In the middle ran a stream so blue...
A maiden fair, in despair, once had met her true love there and she told him...
She would say...
"Promise me , when you see, a white rose you'll think of me
I love you so,
Never let go,
I will be your ghost of a rose..."

Her eyes believed in mysteries
She would lay amongst the leaves of amber
Her spirit wild, heart of a child, yet gentle still and quiet and mild and he loved her...
When she would say...
"Promise me , when you see, a white rose you'll think of me
I love you so,
Never let go,
I will be your ghost of a rose..."

When all was done, she turned to run
Dancing to the setting sun as he watched her
And ever more he thought he saw
A glimpse of her upon the moors forever
He'd hear her say...
"Promise me , when you see, a white rose you'll think of me
I love you so,
Never let go,
I will be your ghost of a rose..."

29 January 2005 : 17.46
It just struck me how old our queen is becoming. I mean, I suppose I'd seen it happening all along because the portraits are everywhere, but I hadn't realised. Then, you put the portraits together, one after the next like this, and you see the dramatic changes. It's sad.. I like our queen.


Found these images on here. I've no idea where this person got them, or what could possibly encourage such an interest in coins, but to each her own.

29 January 2005 : 15.07
There's a major construction project beside my building. The sort that involves the huge skeletal cranes that jut out at sharp angles from bases mounted on treads on the ground. Lattice boom crawler cranes, I think they're called. They're like one step down from the huge semi-permanent tower cranes that you see over the tops of unfinished office towers. There are three of them here, the mobile heavy cranes, all still and stark. I keep expecting them to bring them together and stick a command module at the top, complete with heat ray. That's how it starts. It begins as an innocent construction project, and the next thing you know they're conquering the world. It's a bloody good thing it's still flu season, you mark my words.

yes.. yeeees... no! NO!
27 January 2005 : 18.08
In other exciting news, I'm assistant director for The Housekeeper, which is way cool because I've only done that a couple of times before, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I wasn't involved originally, but then the director had an accident and had to be replaced. There wasn't time to find another director, so the lead actor took over, and brought me on as assistant director because she couldn't act and watch the show at the same time. Since it's only a two-hander, she's had no chance to actually direct aside from the mechanics of setting the blocking, etc., so I'm essentially the director.
Even better, the director of this show is also the Managing Artistic Director of the theatre, and she says that she's so impressed with my work that she wants me to work on another show with her, and after that she wants to give me my own project. Woo!
27 January 2005 : 16.08
I was talking to a friend who works for Canada Customs and Revenue as an IT guy, and he says that I have more hard drive space than the entire provincial government. Woo!
I have 800 GB, or maybe a little more. This close to a terabyte.

Over to England now, and in the it's about bloody time category, prostitution is being considered for legalisation as a red light zone is established. That can only be a good thing. I maintain that prostitution should be completely legal. It's only a bad thing when it's not because then it all happens in the shadows, and that's when people get hurt. If you legalise it, allow brothels to be established, you can regulate it, enforce health and safety standards, create jobs for medical and security people, and generate government revenue from taxation. The prostitutes will be safe, the clients will be safe, and the pimps who beat the girls and hook them on drugs will be out of work.
Seriously, where's the down side? I mean, if you're going to be a prostitute, wouldn't you rather work in a tasteful, safe establishment than stand out in the cold, in the rain, taking your chances that the client won't get violent, and hopefully neither will the pimp? If you're going to be a prostitute, there's no reason that you should have to suffer for it.

And now, on a totally unrelated note, here's something to keep you busy.

26 January 2005 : 18.25
Ah, already the advertisements for valentine's day are out and about. It's never too early to start exploiting something's commercial potential.
In recognition of the internationally recognised day of luuuuv, I'd like to share a little story. I returned to my car after a day of drunken debauchery, and shopping, at Metropolis mall, only to discover on my windshield a plastic bag containing two candies and a note which said:
The True Love Pledge
From this day forward, I commit myself to:
1 Practice true love as a child, friend, spouse, & parent;
2 Preserve my love for my future marriage partner;
3 Dedicate myself to my marriage partner in complete fidelity;
4 Respect all families beyond race, nationality or faith, and raise my children to do the same.
(and on the other side)
Bless the Family: Save the Nation

True love between a man and a woman is a sacred gift from God to be cherished and honored [sic].

Rebuild the family... Restore the community... Renew the nation and world!

For more information, please call 604-451-7874 James N

Isn't that delightful? A quick search of the web showed me that no, James N isn't just working for himself, he's representing:
Rev. Toshiyuki Morimitsu
Family Federation House

I thought that it was very considerate of them to share their views with me. They're obviously very important to them, and I'd hate to think that they hadn't had a chance to express them.
Similarly, I feel that they would benefit from broadening their horizons. It might help them to better affirm their views. To that end, I've subscribed them to a number of gay porn email lists.
And as they were kind enough to invite me to contact them, I want to share with them some of the lovely offers that I myself have received, and therefore provided their email address to all of the spammers I could find. They obviously want their contact information to be widely available, as they left it on my car, and that of every other car in the Metropolis parking lot, so I'm happy to help them get this information out.

Honestly, if you feel the need to be part of a hate group that's your lookout, but don't go around vomitting that nonsense on the cars of people who don't share your opinions in an attempt to infect them with your twisted outlook. Fuckers.
25 January 2005 : 12.24
Enough about the asian tsunami victims already!
What about my needs!?

Sentenced to life. Heh heh heh...
24 January 2005 : 15.38
I think that the government of BC is avoiding me. I've been offering suggestions about how to improve our penal code, but now they won't return my phone calls. I'm telling you, these ideas are brilliant. For example, the big argument against the death penalty is that it costs as much to keep someone alive and in prison as it does to execute them. I'm not certain why that should be. A syringe full of air injected into the blood stream will execute someone pretty effectively, and air's free. But be that as it may, the obvious solution is to bring down the cost of keeping prisoners for extended periods, right? It's a simple matter of determining where the cost originates. I see several causes of large expenditures:
Having many prisoners creates a need for many guards because those prisoners might try to escape. The solution? Cut off their legs. I mean, it's hard to escape when you can't walk, and for the price of a small firewood chainsaw you could reduce your guard staff to one guy. Seriously, how difficult would it be to keep the prisoners in the prison when you could catch them at a leisurely walk. How fast do you think they can crawl, those guys? You would save on fencing, too, largely because your razorwire fences would only have to be knee high to a small child. And your cells could be a lot smaller because your prisoners wouldn't exactly be inclined to move around a lot without legs. Particularly if you saved more money by not administering anesthetic before getting out the chainsaw. Which neatly brings us to the exercise yard. There'd be no need for an exercise yard because the last thing that the prisoners would want is to spend more time crawling around and dragging their genitalia over the rough ground.
Come to that, the prisoners themselves would be smaller, which means that you could keep them in fairly small boxes and stack them vertically! Think of the reduction in the cost of space!
See? I could save the province ridiculous money on long-term incarceration! Though it might be necessary to hire an extra couple of janitors per prison.

CAUTION: Meat hook is not to be used to rectally violate anyone, particularly when connected to high tension power line, unless absolutely necessary. Not to be used in conjunction with kneecaps. Not to be used with power tools. Indoor use only.
22 January 2005 : 12.23
I met the new boyfriend of one of my bestest friends the other night. He seems nice enough, from what I can tell, and I really hope that he is. I don't tend to be hugely protective of my friends, since they can look after themselves, but if someone is your friend you can't help but care, right? And for that reason, I do hope that he treats her well. Otherwise I shall be upset. And we shall have to have words.

Missssterrrr Aragorrrnnnn...
21 January 2005 : 18.13
I'm so tired. Can I go home now?
How 'bout now?
How 'bout now?

I'm not prone to dreaming. It's just not something that happens very often. That said, the other night I had a dream that I was at my parents' house, and the Uruk-Hai were coming. Not invading the whole country, mind you. Just invading my parents' house. And my mother decided to go out, so I was on my own, except that I was being lectured on strategy by Scorpius and Agent Smith. And eventually Agent Smith gave me a kitchen knife with some sort of guard so that there was only about a millimeter of blade showing, like so little that you couldn't cut your own wrists with it, and kept going on about how it was this great and mighty sword. And then the Uruk-Hai were there, surrounding the house, and I had to creep about closing the sliding glass doors. As if that would keep them out. And then I woke up.

What the fuck goes on in my head while I'm not paying attention that could lead to something like that?
19 January 2005 : 12.44
My, it has been a long time, hasn't it?

An awful lot's happened. There isn't time to go into it all now, so I'll get back to you.
In the short term, I wrote It's Better Here, but I haven't had time to make the graphics.

And it's official, Something Positive is the best comic in the entire history of the universe. That is all.

obsidian butterfly
30 December 2004 : 12.21
It's Laura's birthday today. I never had a chance to spend her birthday with her. I suppose now I never will. [ sigh]
I wonder what she's doing..

I hope she's happy these days...

12 December 2004 : 02.48
I've painted my nails black for the show, since I thought that there wasn't enough detail on my hands. I'd been tracing lines and things, but there was nothing that stood out on my hands to make them look evil, so the black nails complete the effect nicely, I think. It's weird having one's nails coated with stuff, particularly when I'm typing since there are now shiny black things flying over my keyboard at the very bottom of my field of vision, but I'll get used to it.
I feel a bit drunk, which I shouldn't because I've not had anything but Fruitopia. The panto party ended way earlier than it should have tonight, but I still have so much energy that I can't possibly get to sleep. I was actually thinking of dancing tonight, which I don't normally do, but I was feeling pretty fly for a white guy. But then everything stopped and everyone buggered off. Tabernac! So I've worked out twice, repaired my exercise bike, and done some photoshoppery. Bored, bored bored.. hungry. I should try cooking something. That would be a fun diversion.
I'll call 911 and ask that the fire department not use the sirens when they come. Don't want to wake up the neighbours.

In a clip stolen from, here he is, ladies and gentlemen! The president of the united states. Classy guy, all the way.
(wmv file)

Just look at the expression on his face.. there's very little going on inside that head. Particularly when the people off camera are laughing... he looks so pathetically anxious to please. He makes a clumsy attempt at juvenile humour, and then looks all happy when the people laugh, as though he's gained a little bit of acceptance. You see the same sort of behaviour among children trying to fit in with groups of older people.
Hello in there, georgie. You never really grew up, did you? It's not surprising you're so easy to manipulate. You just do what daddy and his friends tell you, and they treat you like you're part of the group.
You see what I mean when I say I feel sorry for him? Look at the guy in that video and tell me that he's responsible for all of the manipulation of the government, the american people, and everything else. No, there's no way that someone so unsophisticated could be responsible for the crimes of which he's accused. He's just too simple to know what's actually going on.
10 December 2004 : 16.33
A quick copy/paste from a post on about the opposition to same-sex marriage:

The bible states that marriage is between a man and a woman in the house of god. Therefore, no atheists should be able to get married. Remember that before you speak about limiting the rights of homosexuals.

Leviticus 18:22 states that homosexuality is an abomination.

However, if you are going to follow this and say that we as a country are going to hell, and that the homosexuals being married are going to hell, please remember:

Leviticus 25:44 states that it is ok to own slaves from a neighbouring nation. However, slavery is banned in Canada. Why are we not going to hell for this already? And why can I not own some Americans?

Exodus 21:7 says that it is acceptable to sell ones daughter into slavery. I don't have a daughter, but can I buy yours?

By stating that Canada is going to hell for allowing same-sex marriages, you're using your own sense of right and wrong, you're own moral criteria to determine which passages of the bible to reject and to accept.

I just like the bit about owning some americans. : )

Dance Numfar, Dance!
09 December 2004 : 15.12
Just saw the program for the show last night, and I'm really disappointed with my bio. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it's just.. lame...
Should have gone with the original, which said something along the lines of:
A dedicated performer, James is a graduate of the W. Shatner Institute of Dramatic Arts. Upon completion of his dramatic studies, he went on to further his education in the arts at the Numfar Point Dance Academy. James is probably best known for his memorable roles as Frederick in Richard III, and Charles, Duke of Kent in Hamlet, but his credits range from the title character in Waiting For Godot to Tyson, the wise old monk in the ballet version of Shirley Valentine.
I lost it the day that I was supposed to submit it, and used the other one in its place. Ah well, I'll use this one next time. [ shrug ]

So yay Canada! Equality for all! As I've mentioned before, I'm not gay, or even bi, but I have friends who are so I have a great interest in this case. Beyond doubt, my gay friends are some of the nicest people I've ever met, and to claim that they are less deserving of the right to marry than some trailer trash redneck who happens to have been born straight is ridiculous. So, to the opponents of same-sex marriage, I say this: grow the hell up, huh? This shouldn't even be an issue. Honestly!

The Sony Ericsson T610
08 December 2004 : 13.50
Evanescence and Darling Violetta (but mostly Evanescence) on and up in a desperate attempt to drown out the manbudgie's slurping and constant talking and whispering to himself.

So last night was a grand success. The audience loved the show, almost everything went smoothly, and it looked fabulous. It was so good to be back out there. Funny for someone as shy as me to be so much of a stage pig, but there you go.
I'm delighted to discover that panto is gaining popularity again. And not only that, but in England this year Sir Ian McKellen is playing Widow Twanky in Aladdin. Woo!

And now, a technology geek moment: I'm looking at a new phone. I like my Nokia 8390, but the Sony Ericsson T610 has so many cool features. Colour display, camera, and picture call display and messaging, among others. Need to get a Bluetooth wireless headset, too, which will make it easier to talk while driving and having to shift.

But a headset isn't the only cool Bluetooth hardware I can get. There are plenty of cool accessories, not the least of which is a radio controlled car that you drive using the phone's keypad or joystick. No, I'm not kidding.
And I so need one.
Fido has this nifty rewards program wherein you get about 5% of your monthly payment back in the form of Fido Dollars, which you can accumulate and spend on Fido products. The idea is to get you to spend more money to accumulate Fido Dollars, but without increasing my monthly Fido bill I've managed to accumulate about $200. The phone is $300, so just by continuing to have my Fido I'm saving toward buying it. How spiffy is that?
What will be the most cool, though, will be when I can VNC to my home computers from my Java/WAP enabled handset. Apparently Remotely Anywhere makes a product that supports this, but I've only briefly scanned their network and haven't seen anything like that.

p.s. I'll find my frog

07 December 2004 : 9.53
Tonight is the first audience of my show. Am I nervous? Yes, yes I am.

The Shatner had a concert the other night to promote his Has Been, and it was a huge success.
And speaking of Shatner, there's been a great deal of debate about him. That is to say that people have been speculating for years about when he lost his hair. Everyone wants to know whether it was artificial when he was Kirk, or whether it was when he was acting Shakespeare that he went synthetic. I think that the debate has become massively over complicated, and it can be simplified to a single issue. Through a basic analysis of any single point in Shatner's career we can determine whether his hair is real, or whether it is a rug. So examine Shatner playing Shakespeare, and judge for yourself whether it looks like a hairpiece. Toupee, or not toupee... that is the question.

I'm not apologising for that.

Apparently, the american interest in emigrating to Canada is still increasing. That's hardly surprising, though, is it? I mean, it's not like being an american is anything of which to be proud these days. americans have hidden their yankeeness for years now when travelling abroad, and it's a standing joke amongst Canadians that you can tell a Canadian from an american abroad easily because the american is the one with the Canadian flag on his backpack. Someone's decided to capitalise on that, which is funny, but it's also sad because no matter how you dress the yankee up, he's still a yankee underneath. That means that they'll be travelling the world being rude, ignorant, and unpleasant, and pretending to be Canadians the whole time. I'm a bit concerned about our reputation, but then I don't think that there will be enough of them doing it to cause a problem.
But more importantly, many of them are looking into fleeing the nastiness of yankeeland and coming here. Some of them are coming for political reasons, some for economic reasons, and some for moral reasons. What I find funny is that americans have become kind of like Russian brides. You know the Russian bride sites, right? Check this out.

And now, this.
03 December 2004 : 13.52
Just got back from lunch with the indescribably amazing girl from work. It was great.. I was mister cool.. except for the part where I accidentally inhaled some of my ginger.
Heh, I'm kidding, of course. I couldn't be cool to save my life. :)
It wasn't a disaster, though. She gave me her cel. number, and I'm going to a party with her tomorrow night. Yay!

Ok, again, calm. It's just that I'm terribly enthusiastic.
02 December 2004 : 10.34
Happy fun time!

ShaZAM! The Afro Avenger, ladies and gentlemen!

Can't you hear the greasy 70s wakka chikka music when he comes to the rescue? I knew that you could!
Found this on marmaladedotca. I don't know her, but she strikes me as a nifty Canadian girl. Yay for Canadian niftiness!

The toppling of the bush statue outside the yankee consulate.
01 December 2004 : 14.15
This is taken from a fun news article:

Bush, who was in Halifax for less than three hours before flying home to Washington, also used his speech to thank Atlantic Canadians for helping thousands of American air travellers who were stranded after the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001.

"You opened your homes and your churches to strangers ... and you asked for nothing in return," Bush said to open his half-hour speech.

About 250 aircraft carrying 44,000 passengers were diverted to 17 Canadian airports in the moments after the attacks on Washington and New York.

"How does a person say thank you to a nation? Well, that's something a president can do," said Bush.

"So let me say directly to the Canadian people and to all of you here today who welcomed Americans. Thank you for your kindness to America in an hour of need."

Aww.. isn't that nice? Well, it might have been if it hadn't been over three years late. The article above is about his visit to Canada today. This is the first time he's taken a minute to thank us for helping his people on 11 September 2001. And he did it today why? Because he's here trying to con us into helping clean up his mess in Iraq, and join his next war effort, and join his lame missile defence shield.

But you know what the best part is? He quoted former Canadian Prime Minister William Lyon MacKenzie King, saying: "We cannot defend our country and save our homes and families by waiting for the enemy to attack us"
As it mentions in the article, those were comments made by Prime Minister King on 10 September 1939 when Canada declared war on Germany, officially joining the second world war one week after Great Britain. You know, that war that the americans didn't bother to join until the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbour, bringing the war to them.
I wonder whether the irony is lost on him. I'll bet my hat that it is. At least, I would if I thought that he even had any idea who William Lyon MacKenzie King was.

Of course, there were protests. Someone as widely hated as bush comes to town, there are going to be people with things to say. There were protests outside the yankee consulate here in Vancouver. Wish I'd known in advance.. I would have gone and been a part of it. Meanwhile, bush refused to address Parliament because he didn't want to get booed. Aw. Is the big bad warmonger afraid of a little noise? The mighty w, destroyer of countries, fearless leader of the military of america, strong of arm and red of neck, afraid of a little MP.

Be my valentine. Wakka chikka wakka chikka wakka chikka wakka chikka
26 November 2004 : 11.27
Is it just me, or does the modern valentine-type heart look rather like a stylised vulva?

Just me again, huh? Ok, fair enough.
I don't know.. I came across one this morning (a heart, not a vulva), and it just struck me as incredibly obvious. One of those "why on earth didn't I see that before?" sort of moments. With all of the sexuality/fertility incorporated into much of the old imagery, I wonder whether this is intentional, one of those deeper meanings lost over the centuries, or whether it's just coincidence.

Just discovered Rob and Elliot. Excellent. Mac Hall is also lots of fun.
Well, case in point.
Now to check out Something Positive.

Oh yes, and hunters are fucking savages who all deserve to die. Fortunately, there are less of them now.

Dyslexicons! UNTIE!
24 November 2004 : 16.31
There's huge construction going on outside, with dumptrucks and backhoes and bulldozers. It's only a matter of time until Devastator arrives, I'm sure.

Listening to Darling Violetta. Interesting stuff. The Angel theme is still their best work, though.

The incredibly cool girl from work wants to go out again. Eeeeee! [ bounce ] [ bounce ] [ bounce ]
Ok, too much enthusiasm. Stay calm. We're just going out for lunch. No big. Really.

Eeeeeeee!! [ bounce ] [ bounce ] [ bounce ]

DYNOMITE! What? I don't know.. I found him on Google. It's appropriate because I'm talking about good times, and he was in Good Times, right? Look, it's not that much of a stretch, is it? Oh, please yourselves.
23 November 2004 : 15.43
Last night was teh best sushi night evar!!1 It was so much fun.. twenty-one of us descended upon my favourite sushi place at ten o'clock at night, immediately following rehearsal, which meant that we were all very silly and very hyper and in the mood for a huge amount of fun. At one point the salmon kama shioyaki (salmon head) arrived for the four individuals brave enough to eat it, and the table erupted into the fish head song, and when it was over some other table populated by strangers applauded. One of my friends had never had sushi before, but was brave enough to come with us, and he tried everything, and he loved it all of it! Ah, the blossoming of a sushi virgin. He says that there's no way we're going to be able to go without him from now on. A kid in a candy shop, he was. It was loud and everyone laughed and talked and sang and there were moments when I just sat there and watched my friends enjoying themselves.
In the words of Crichton, these are the good days, people.

... L M N O P Q Arr matey!
22 November 2004 : 15.12
So yesterday I managed to pay off one of my student loans! Go me! I have one left at about $600, and then I'm student loan free! It's taken a long time, but it's worth it.

I so need to update my friends page. I have friends with new sites, and friends with new link banners, and I've been too lazy to update.. busy. I've been too busy to update the links page.

Oh yes, and Tony Blair's going to be impeached.

Click on the old Dalek to see the new one.
19 November 2004 : 15.23
Found pictures of the new Dalek design. Not the radical redesign they're talking about, but the newest normal Dalek design to appear. If you don't want to see it, don't click the Daleks to the left there.

Now, watch this.

The manbudgie's repertoire of interesting noises has expanded. He's taken to grunting, snorting, coughing, and finishing every sip of his drink with an enormously exaggerated sluuuurp... AHHHHH.
Is this hell?
I know how this guy feels.
18 November 2004 : 13.38
"U.S. intelligence says Iran is deceiving United Nations"

I'd like to say that I'm surprised. Unfortunately, I'm not surprised. Iraq is wearing thin.. it's become commonplace, and the people no longer care. But it worked before, so what the bush government needs is, yes, another war! And the people will fall for it. Again. Why? Are they stupid? Are they that moronic that they'd be so easily led a second time?

Well.. yeah.

"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool can't get fooled again."

As a poster in the Fark thread on the story said, "no wait, I've seen this episode before... this is the one where powell goes to the U.N., and shows a bunch of fuzzy arial photos of the super sekrit bases where the bad weapons are made. Damn, I hate reruns."

17 November 2004 : 17.17
I've had a few messages from people demanding to know why I should be so critical of the american government and its effect on the american economy. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the disaster that is the bush administration is weakening their economy, about which I don't really care, but the direct result of that is the severe impact that this has on our own economy. A weakening american economy means a climbing Canadian dollar, and that means that the businesses that profit from the strong american dollar are suffering. That includes the film industry, tourism, and many others.

On the positive side: the american economy is sucking, but the Canadian economy isn't. Remember how pro-Liberal I was during the election?
Hello? Five point two billion dollar surplus in our national budget! Yet another surplus. Go us! The conservatives would have been pouring money into the military by now.

In other news, I was told by the box office chiquita that some people buying panto tickets said that they hoped that I (by name, no less) was the demon king again this year because they enjoyed me so much last year. Yay me!

And even more yay, I'm having lunch with the incredibly cool girl from work on Friday.
Must not be consumed by shyness...

16 November 2004 : 16.54
War. Huh. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the few, the proud, the american armed forces. They're supposed to be the good guys. So they say.

There's a lot of debate. Some people say that the marine was justified in shooting the injured, unarmed, barely alive, absolutely non-threatening Iraqi. Others, who are in my qualified opinion complete morons, say that the marine was justified in his act.
No, no he wasn't. Hello, prisoner of war? Geneva Convention? I mean, yes, the americans have broken plenty of other UN rules, but this is up close and in your face.
Mind you, there have been between 100 000 and 200 000 excess Iraqi deaths since the invasion began, so what's one more?
And they wonder why the rest of the world hates them so much. Or, more accurately, those who actually know that the world hates them wonder why. The rest picture america as the world's saviour, and the american media doesn't exactly refute that rosie image, does it?

A lot of the americans who support the marine cite the things that the Iraqis have been doing as justification. You know, the suicide bombing, trapping corpses, etc., and how the Iraqis deserve things like this because they're attacking the americans.
If you're an american of this opinion, may I just point out that you invaded their fucking country! What kind of response did you expect? Hugs and flowers? A lei and a cuddle? You're occupying their country during a massive military assault with vastly superior numbers and equipment, and they're trying like hell to fight you off. It's no surprise they're turning to desperate measures like taking hostages. What else can they do?
No, the killing of civilians by the Iraqis isn't ok, but it wouldn't have happened if hundreds of tons of bombs, and thousands of tons of tanks weren't pouring into their cities firing on everything that moves. Get the hell out of the country, let them try to clean up the mess you've made, and the violence may stop. Maybe. If they aren't now consumed with a desire for revenge. And who could blame them if they were? How would america feel if the situation were reversed?

13 Novermber 2004 : 14.53
So much has happened since I last updated this site in any meaningful way. I've been too busy even to post about the moronic american public re-electing its cowboy chimpanzee of a leader. Let me see, what's been happening?

I'm the Demon King in the panto again this year.. that's a big "YAY!"
I love panto. It's so much fun, and this is the best year of all so far. I'm having such a great time, it's all far too silly. We're about three weeks from final dress rehearsal, though. That's a bit worrying.

I'm working downtown now, which would be great, except that I have to commute for two hours to get there.
Let me reiterate: Two hours!
Mind you, I shouldn't complain. I have a lovely view, and a very comfortable chair.
And there's a very good sushi place nearby.

My brother is doing really well in the Seattle comedy competition. Woo!

The trailer for the new Star Wars movie makes it look really worth seeing. I hope that it lives up to the image presented by the trailer.

Back on the Dexedrine, which means that my metabolism has picked up again and I'm shedding all of the extra weight I gained. It happens every time.. the Dexedrine runs out, my metabolism crashes and by the time I go to get more I'm a fat bastard. But now I'm burning through it like mad. I'm also taking better care of myself. I have to get up at 5.30 am these days because of my commute, and I start my day with a workout. Bloody hard to do the first few times, but once you get the hang of it it's a great way to start the day. I'm certainly no fitness fanatic, but dragging myself out of bed and trying to jumpstart myself with coffee is no substitute for getting everything up and running with time on the exercise bike and more time with the weights. I find that by the end of the workout I'm as awake as I'm going to be that day. Of course, I'm crashing by the time I reach 6.30 pm, but when I get home I do another workout and that bumps me back up to consciousness.

What else? Oh yes.. america. So, short of unusual circumstances, you guys get one opportunity four years after electing a president to get rid of him again. georgie is the worst president you've ever had, and yet somehow he gets re-elected. What are you, crazy!? I mean, you do realise what the results will be, right? The administration's ongoing lust for power and money will result in increased and sustained military action, leading to an urgent need to renew the lost personnel. There will never be enough volunteers, so what do you think will happen? Think of it this way: the first term, they were thinking about re-election, and look what a mangled, twisted wreck they made of the country. And this term, they don't have any possibility of re-election, so they don't have to worry about being cautious.
And lots of people realise this. Canada has received more immigration inquiries from american citizens since the election than ever before in our history. america is clearly perceived as the proverbial sinking ship, even by its own citizens. So what happens to america now? Time will tell, but it looks as though the empire has really begun to burn. I don't think that we're going to see america fall as a power any time soon, mind you, but it looks to me as though the decline has begun. The country has made political and military enemies, crippled its own economy, and alienated its own citizens to the point that they're leaving in droves. How strong a government will it take to undo this kind of damage? And where is america going to find that kind of government? Kerry was the best they had to throw against bush, and he was a bit of a waste of space, wasn't he?
Nonetheless, check out The World According To Bush and see what you've re-elected to run your country.

Personally, I'd like to have seen Amitabh Bachan elected.

Uhura? Uhu- can you hear me now? Now? How 'bout now?
12 November 2004 : 14.59
How spiffy is this? It's a classic Trek communicator, of course, but it uses Bluetooth wireless voice-activated headset technology. So you can leave the (Bluetooth enabled) phone in your pocket or wherever, and just use the communicator. A very cool application of existing technology, and a good excuse to work on your Shatner impression.

I know, I know.. like you need an excuse to work on your Shatner impression.

21 October 2004 : 23.34
What a day. I woke up with a violent migraine, so I loaded up on medication that had no effect at all, and spent the day hiding inside in a completely dark room. I've been awake now for about an hour, and I'm about to go back to bed so that I can go to work tomorrow. The whole day is a write-off.
But now I have soft jazz and candle light, and that makes it ok.
I love the blending of old and new technologies. Not necessarily steam-punk, though I like that, but more a sort of retro blending of old-fashioned, tasteful aesthetics of any period with modern equipment. Hence the combination of candles and LED lighting, among other things. Nicely anachronistic.

Anyway, sleep.

My dear friend Katherine, ladies and gentlemen!
20 October 2004 : 1.01
"When she was good she was very, very good, and when she was bad she was even better."
Speaking of Katherine, I'm going out with her tomorrow! Or today. Or whenever.

In the roughly 2.5 hours since I posted the last numbers, the amount of spam has climbed to 143521
Seriously, I take my eyes off the mailbox for a moment, and when I next look I have two hundred messages...
oh, for five minutes alone with a spammer and something really, really sharp. And rusty.
19 October 2004 : 22.38
Apparently Spam Inspector was also filtering outgoing messages, so a good portion of my mail never made it to the intended recipients. This gets better and better.

Speaking of spam, for those of you playing along at home, the score is now spammers: 142591, james: 0
That's 142591 since 03 September, mind you. It's the 19th now, so that's less than two months. And my customers write to complain to me that some of them get almost seven spam messages a day! The shock! The horror!
17 October 2004 : 18.01
On my way to work this morning I had a bugger of a time driving because the little gold spider who lives in my car kept dashing madly across the top of my steering wheel. I had to constantly be careful so that I didn't accidentally grab him as he hurtled from one side to the other.
No idea what he was trying to accomplish, but he was seriously determined.

Added a new email correspondence to the atheism section.

Cheetara. Heavy eye makeup, leopard print clothes and frigging huge hair.. you can't half tell it was the '80s, huh?
16 October 2004 : 15.38
No, no you didn't discover a spider crawling on you, you ignorant fuck. I hate it when people say things like that, I really do. It's so utterly pointless.
See, the problem is that people are afraid of spiders and insects, and so they phrase things like that to make the situation worse.
Humans walk. They crawl when they are on their hands and knees. Dogs walk. They crawl when their chests are flat against the floor. From this we see that crawling involves not using one's legs properly.
Spiders and insects therefore do not crawl. They are physically incapable of doing so. You will never wake up to discover a spider crawling on you because it's simply not possible. But it sounds so much more scary than "I woke up to discover a spider stamping about on my arm."
Crawling seems so much more creepy. Ew, the spider was craaaawling on me! And yet if you're afraid of something, does it make sense to phrase its description in a manner which makes it more scary rather than less? No, no it doesn't. Which suggests that people choose phrasing which intentionally makes the experience more frightening than it should be. Either that or they just don't think about what they're saying.
It's probably the latter.
Unfortunately, people's desire to make a big fuss about being afraid of spiders and insects has led to the unnecessary deaths of so many innocent creatures..
I hate people. Have I mentioned that?

Ok, that's that out of the way. Now, here's a link to keep you out of trouble:
Aks Jeeves, my new favourite search engine.

Oh, and Warhammer 40 000: Dawn Of War r0x0r.

10 October 2004 : 16.03
I hate online Quizzes. Quizzen. Quizi. Whatever. So why do I do them? Anyway, I know that, if you've been reading this site for any length of time, you've probably said to yourself, "But james, this violently opinionated sarcasm is all fine and well, but which Colossal Death Robot are you?"
Well, now you know:
(and knowing is half the battle)

Scowling wilfully towards Autobot City, you're Megatron!

Look in a mirror and feel the evil. Then eat the mirror. You eat mirrors for breakfast. You are a badass death robot. You busted on Optimus Prime. You. Are. Megatron. Go outside and burn some animals, because you're worth it.

Declare your pre-Galvatron-ness with the following non-heat-sensitive emblem:

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Use these to stuff your mind into the standard, uniform shape. Conform! CONFORM!
07 October 2004 : 16.25
What does it say about the state of a country or city when no one being shot or murdered is news? But america doesn't need gun control. Oh no.
Violent bastards.

I was rummaging through my pockets in preparation for going for lunch when I discovered a receipt which proved that I had already eaten.
How sad is that? How scattered does your brain have to be that you can't remember something as important as food? I seriously need some more Dexedrine.
But first, lunch.

oh, and there's a very nice, very cute girl here at work who is into SF in a big way. How cool is that?
(The answer is "infinitely")
Have to try to control the shyness.. I'd really like to get to know her better.

Rose Tyler and the TARDIS.
06 October 2004 : 18.27
A couple of nights ago saw me carrying an apparently unconscious Amy down West Broadway without attracting so much as a second glance. Except at one point when she accidentally kicked someone walking in the opposite direction, and he turned and apologised.
How delightfully Canadian is that? You accidentally kick someone and they apologise for being in the way. :) I do love my country.
Crossing the street was great.. everyone stopped for me. Yay! I should carry a girl with me everywhere I go. I could probably skip ahead in queues, maybe get into clubs without a cover, and probably park in handicapped spaces. The possibilities are endless!

CBC has picked up the new Doctor Who series! EEEEEEE! I'm so excited! I can't wait for them to start broadcasting. I'm so looking forward to it.
I might have occasionally given that impression.

It's opening night of Dracula at my theatre. It's really good, both the script and what they've done with it. I'm going to see it to support my friends, and because it's a good show. But first, coffee with the president of Barundi!
02 October 2004 : 11.37
migraine. sleep.

02 October 2004 : 00.00
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

I hate it when people post song lyrics.

30 September 2004 : 15.14
My brother is tearing up the comedy scene in San Francisco. He's doing better than any first timer in the competition's history, according to the competition organiser. Last night, he wasted the unbeatable guy. It was rad! That guy's dead meat! He.. sorry, phone.

Ah. That was the '80s. Apparently use of words like "dead meat" and "wasted" and "rad" is an infringement of the copyright of that decade. Bugger.
Anyway, he's doing really well, and I'm terribly proud of him.

In other news: oooh.... aaaah....

Which reminds me, a few people have written to ask what kind of computers I have now, since I keep going on about new hardware that I need to acquire or have acquired.
So I'll stick a section on computer hardware on my me page for those who care.

Found this image on a page dedicated to redesigning the Daleks
29 September 2004 : 16.06
Everything is finished!
Or at least as finished as it's going to get. The relatives have left, the renovations are.. er.. on hiatus, and everything else is either yet to come or has already been. That is, my time is my own again! Woo!

Now that I've said that, something's going to come up. I know it. But until it does, I'm going to enjoy the quiet. Quietness. Quietitude. Whatever.

19 September 2004 : 13.30
Avast ye scurvy swabs! It be International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Arr! So shiver yer cannons and blow me down!
But buy me dinner first, huh?

18 September 2004 : 18.50
Ah, music and computers. The two go well together, most of the time. Sometimes, however, one world intrudes too much onto another. Such as this morning when I was listening to the radio and "Crab Bucket" came on. The guy said it was by K-Os, and I thought to myself "I hope he's more successful than BeOS."
Yes, too much the computer geek. But then, it works the other way, too. Many aspects of computer technology remind me of songs. I'm not going to go into too much detail, mind you.

How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men
16 September 2004 : 17.56
I was discussing terrorism with a friend last night, about how terrorism probably holds its attraction as a career choice because you get to see the world. The problem that I have with it is that if you go into demolitions, you hit that suicide bomber glass ceiling. I mean, how high can you go once you've been promoted to suicide bomber? You're going to blow yourself up shortly anyway, so why promote you? No, the position you want is suicide bomber dispatch.
Think of it: "I've got a pick-up on 212 and 72nd avenue." KaBoom!

But now, for getting ahead.. ahem.. in other areas, there's this. Read the reviews and you'll see what people are saying.

There's nothing lovely or wonderful about spam.
13 September 2004 : 16.16
So recently I've been hearing from friends that I haven't been replying to their email.
buh? What email would that be, then? I mean, I've been terribly busy, what with my relatives coming from The Olde Country, but I haven't been receiving much mail from friends recently.
Apparently, my spam filter (I've been using Spam Inspector) has been filtering spam to the Spam Quarantine folder, and deleting messages which don't count as spam. And I've been so busy dealing with the vast quantities of spam that arrive in my mailbox and don't get filtered that I hadn't noticed that unusually little legitimate mail was coming in.
And it's not just me. My mother, who used the same software, had the same problem. So for those of you considering Spam Inspector for your spam filtering needs, a word to the wise: don't.
Now, you may ask "But James, why is spam filtering so important to you? It's just spam, right? Annoying, but not all that serious an issue."
Does this answer your question? The mailbox is sorted with oldest mail at the bottom, dated September 3rd.
That's twenty-five thousand, five hundred and fifty-six spam messages in ten days.
Tell me that's not excessive. Tell me that's not grounds to have each one of the spammers rounded up and fed into a thresher. I dare ya.
And, like so many of the world's problems, we have the americans to thank for it.
So anyway, to all of my friends, and anyone else who's written in the last few months (which is about how long I've been using Spam Inspector), if I haven't replied to your message, I'm really sorry, and I plead filtration.

08 September 2004 : 21.13
Arr! So I just found out that one o' my ancestors be Black Morgan, or Captain Morgan if ye be a drinker! Well hoist me mains'l and shake yer booty! Ye'd best be watchin' out on Talk Like A Pirate Day! Arr!

Marcel! The Petrol!
08 September 2004 : 20.38
I was barbequing. Well, I say barbequing.. it was far more entertaining than that. I had finished the impression of Dante's Towering Inferno and was just about to get the steaks to confess to The Heinous Sin Of Heresy (TM) when my aunt arrived from England to see what I was doing. Being watched by a relative... that kind of takes the fun out of threatening your food, don't you find?

05 September 2004 : 16.30
Wow, there's a live action Sailor Moon. I did not know that. Hmm.. now I have to track them all down and watch them. Just in case they're good.

Speaking of good: go here.

'The second pillar of peace and security in our world is the willingness of free nations, when the last resort arrives, to retain aggression and evil by force.'
—Bush, speaking in London, England, Nov. 19, 2003
03 September 2004 : 15.56
america, and I mean this with all sincerity:

Don't you people frigging learn!?
Four years bush has had, four years in which he and his twisted little theocratic government has managed to alienate almost every country in the world. Four years in which a federal budget surplus has been turned into the largest debt in the history of the entire world. Four years of job cuts and recessions, and yet of tax cuts which help the rich get richer. The bush government has laughed in the face of urgent environmental conservation efforts, mercilessly slashed education funding, and promoted a religious agenda with its "faith-based" initiatives. It has raped the constitution that is the foundation of the country by systematically amputating the rights and freedoms of the people so that now, after the fashion of Big Brother, the government can spy on any person's activities, retrieve all of their records up to and including their library lists, It has openly opposed other nations for defying the United Nations, and then defied the United Nations itself by taking military action to further its own political goals in spite of violent opposition from america's own people!, and lied to those people about connections between Al Quaeda and Iraq, and Iraq's possession of weapons in order to do it. In short, the bush government has not served the people. Not remotely. And yet the people still support them.
The question, then, is how stupid are the people? How stupid is the abused woman who keeps going back to the wife beater? If america re-elects this government, it deserves what it gets for being too stupid to take the way out that it's political system offers.
"Four more years, four more years," the delegates yelled as Bush strode -- alone -- onto a podium in the middle of a packed convention hall. His introduction was a video that stirred memories of Sept. 11 -- and credited him with "the heart of a president."
But, you see, the majority of the population of america is composed of morons. How blatantly can you manipulate a crowd? How stupid do the people have to be to fall for it?
Mind you, they were already at the bush rally, so they couldn't have been that swift to begin with.

Of course, all is not lost. After any rally there will be an upsurge in support for the rallying party. Hopefully, as the republican happy talk wears off the populace will once again come to the realisation that bushco is apparently doing everything in its power to destroy their country to further their own financial gain. But I'm not holding my breath.
Now watch this drive.

Nigel Richardson for the BBC.
01 September 2004 : 12.57
Wow.. the president of my company is about to make an appearance, along with some other corporate visitors. I just found out about it when I got to work. It's frightening how much preparation has gone into this from my building. There are several huge tables packed with food, and an excited crowd gathered at the entrance, dressed in their best finery and clutching their cameras, hoping to catch a glimpse of the president, and to make a good impression.

From here I can see most of the way up the red carpet to where the president's limousine will undoubtedly make its appearance on this, the eleventh floor of the building. Through the windows I can see the police helicopters circling, and the lines where the military has cordoned off the roads to allow the presidential procession to approach the building.

And here comes the honour guard now, resplendent in their company colours as they make, with their sabres, the ceremonial corridor through which the president will pass when he makes his long awaited arrival; an arrival that the crowd awaits with breathless anticipation.

I think that, yes, I can faintly hear the timpany as the presidential lift progresses slowly up the lift shaft. The excitement of the crowd is growing, but a hush has fallen of a kind which heralds the most amazing storms and indeed, given the enthusiasm of this crowd as witnessed just moments ago, this will be quite a storm.

Now the lift doors have opened, and I think I can, yes, I can see the first of the presidential retinue as they exit the lift. Now the trumpet players take their places and sound the fanfare, and I can make out the first of the standard bearers as they begin the great parade. From the lift now I can see the rows of dancing girls twirling and gyrating in a provocative fashion as they herald the moment at which we will finally- wait, the litter has just come into view, and it is magnificent! Borne on the shoulders of fully thirty bare-chested slaves marching in time to the beat of the corporate timpany, the company standard flying high, the presidential litter is exiting the lift and making its way along the hallway and into the reception area. The crowd cheers and throws rice and, yes, it looks like office supplies as the litter makes its way toward the tables of offerings laid out for the corporate guests. From my vantage point I can just make out the president of the company through the drapery of his litter. Dressed in silken robes and laden with gold and pearls, he waves beneficently at the throngs of cheering masses, the very image of the benevolent ruler.

There behind me you can see the thousands of flash-bulbs flicker as, following the litter, the corporate elephants carry still more trumpeters, and the great company timpany which accompanies the mighty parade. Here I can see the enormous floats which bear the other corporate visitors along in this procession, the vice president of operations and, yes, it looks like the senior vice president of facilities, occupying a place of less prominence but no less magnificence as they follow the president along the corridor of cheering, devoted staff members. The adulation of the crowd grows ever louder as these hopefuls try to at once express love and admiration and to attract the attention of their beloved monarch in their endless climb up the corporate ladder.

And now, at last, as the ceremonial cannon fire from the top of the tower, the last of the president's entourage ride their camels past my vantage point and into the reception area, ending the parade and bringing, symbolically, prosperity to the company.
Nigel Richardson, BBC News, Vancouver.

Yeah, I don't like corporate culture. I'm so in the wrong business.

Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
27 August 2004 : 13.06
The rumour is that Lucas is thinking of doing the three Star Wars sequels when the last prequel abomination has been deployed. To that end, Lucasfilm stormtroopers are training for the lengthy, moist rogering they're going to give the Star Wars fanbase. After all, these days the movies are more about screwing the audience for merchandising dollars than about making good films.

So when you die- I can't stand it when people use stupid expressions like "pass away." If you die, you die. That's it. End of story. Finito. So when you die, all life functions cease. That's pretty much the definition of death. So why is it that when you've died people refer to you as deceased? I mean, de is a prefix meaning not or un, right? So deceased should mean not ceased, or unceased, shouldn't it?
I guess that means that Rick James, now that he's died, is defunct, yes?

And, in the category of "More gullible than you think" I give you the Time Travel Fund. Heh heh heh. Not as successful as the magnetic bracelet scam, but a similar, uh, target market.

My brother was on CiTR UBC radio last night. It was Woody Allen night. I'd never heard Woody Allen's stand-up before, but after hearing the moose story I shall have to acquire more. Here it is, though it's much better when you hear it:

" Here's a story you're not going to believe. I shot a moose once. I was hunting in upstate New York, and I shot a moose.

And I strap him onto the fender of my car, and I'm driving along the West Side Highway. But what I didn't realize was that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased his scalp, knocking him unconscious. And I'm driving through the Holland Tunnel and the moose wakes up.

So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender and the moose is signaling for a turn. And there's a law in New York State against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. And I'm very panicky. And then it hits me—some friends of mine are having a costume party. I'll go. I'll take the moose. I'll ditch him at the party. It won't be my responsibility. So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door, and the moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say, 'Hello, you know the Solomons.' We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Some guy was trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half.

Twelve o'clock comes, they give out prizes for the best costume of the night. First prize goes to the Berkowitzes, a married couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Berkowitzes lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious. Now, I figure, here's my chance. I grab the moose, strap him on my fender, and shoot back to the woods. But I've got the Berkowitzes. So I'm driving along with two Jewish people on my fender. And there's a law in New York State, Tuesday, Thursday, and especially Saturday....

The following morning, the Berkowitzes wake up in the woods in a moose suit. Mr. Berkowitz is shot, stuffed, and mounted at the New York Athletic Club. And the joke is on them, 'cause it's restricted."
25 August 2004 : 17.35
Two sides of the same issue:

The Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division, home of the National Consumer Coalition Against Dihydrogen Monoxide
The Friends Of Dihydrogen Monoxide

I didn't realise that it was the subject of such fierce debate. Where do you stand?
25 August 2004 : 12.29
My brother got into the San Francisco International Comedy Competition! Yay him!
I'm so proud of him. He's a brilliant comic. Seriously. I'm not just saying that because I'm biased because he's my brother. The truth is he's the funniest person I've ever seen, onstage or otherwise. Every time I see his act (which is constantly changing, unlike many other comics) I literally laugh until everything hurts.
I'm sure that he'll demolish the competition. I wish that I could be there to see him go on. This is an enormous opportunity.
20 August 2004 : 17.44
Hm. Apparently, porn is good. I'll go on about that, and other related subjects, at length when I get around to it.

So I finally saw Spider-Man 2. And on the IMAX, no less. Wow. That's a hell of an experience. For those without experience of this spectacle, the IMAX screen is eight stories high. That's 25 metres. Or 80 feet if, for some reason, you prefer to measure in appendages.
eight stories.
Have you any idea how much Kirsten Dunst you can fit on eight stories?

Well, all of her, obviously.
But at such resolution. Is it warm in here? What was I saying?
Oh, right. Spider-Man 2. It's a good movie with a nicely complex villain (I feel so sorry for him), beautiful effects and fight scenes and things, and a good story. Except that I didn't like the catalyst for the story that triggers the whole self-examination thing that you see in the trailers. That was lame. Blatant plot manipulation that made no sense. I won't go into details in case you haven't seen it, though. Still, having said that, I can forgive it because the rest of the movie is so full of lovely bits of Kirst humour and action.

Blessed are the cheesemakers.
20 August 2004 : 14.25
Obscene cuteness which must be shared: my favourite type of parrot.

Quizzes. I hate these things. Having said that, according to the "Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?" quiz:
I'm a Philosopher/Scientist!

Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
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